


how do you choose? (tonight’s as good as any other)

by gaypanic



Category: Doctor Who, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: A Christmas Carol, Alternate Universe - Doctor Who Fusion, Bittersweet Ending, Christmas, F/F, I ended it as happy as I could, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Belle/Red Riding Hood | Ruby, Past Child Abuse, no doctor who knowledge required
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-19 23:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13134309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypanic/pseuds/gaypanic
Summary: In a complicated exploration of time and herself, Regina learns and re-learns that love is strength with the help of the Doctor, who meets Regina in her present, and brings Emma into her life year after year on Christmas Eve in her past.Or,A Swan Queen Christmas story based on an episode ofDoctor Whobased onA Christmas Carol. (no Doctor Who knowledge required)





	how do you choose? (tonight’s as good as any other)

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the lines are the same as in the episode. I’ve done ‘an extra quotation’ for dialogue I kept from the episode so credit can be found where it’s due. I kept it crossover (the Doctor is the only crossover character), but if you haven’t seen Doctor Who you /can/ still read this! Please do :)
> 
> Italics are the past and normal text is the present but the tense will remain the same throughout since it’s all kind of “present” (time is wild y’all), and also you might think this is underage at one point but I don’t cross that line (like I said, time is weird lol, this will make sense later).
> 
> Much thanks to my beta, Laura. We both got sick during this, and most errors are probably my fault.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/137641470@N08/38564658204/in/dateposted-public/)>

The ship hadn’t been in the best place _before_ entering the atmosphere of this planet in its near emergency state, but now that it has breached the planet’s border, its _near emergency_ status has been updated to _actual emergency_.

 

“Come on, come on…” the pilot grumbles to herself, trying to figure out exactly what made everything go from bad to worse. “We can’t let everyone down. Not today. It’s Christmas…” Her co-pilot nods in agreement next to her, too concentrated to form an actual response. There’s too many people aboard this ship. Four thousand men, women, and children. “Not today,” the pilot repeats.

 

“Ma’am?” the co-pilot speaks up, his brow furrowing together. “Something about this atmosphere. It’s… off. Are these clouds?”

 

She had noticed the same thing, but squints at them nonetheless. “I don’t know. They’re really thick. Too thick to be clouds… at least not normal ones.”

 

“Well then, what is it? What else could it be?” Without understanding what they were dealing with, there could be no getting out, especially since they couldn’t lock onto a signal long enough to call for help.

 

“I’ve sent for help!” a voice calls from behind them, unfamiliar to the crew and too cheerful to belong to someone on a ship about to crash into god knows what planet, and the captain turns to face the source of the voice, her confusion only growing when her eyes land on what appears to just be a scantily clad civilian, lips as red as her shorts.

 

She quirks her brow just as a second girl appears, much more modest in appearance and more reasonably panicked. “How did you get here?” the captain asks, confused. “Who are you?”

 

Neither woman answers her questions as they scurry through the bridge as if looking for some kind of way to help, but the taller of the two groans, “Did he _want_ us to do anything here? None of this makes sense. Belle, have you ever read anything on ships like this?”

 

The other girl rolls her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, Ruby, he doesn’t want us to _fly_ the ship. He sent us to tell them he’s gonna help, _and_ so he has someone on the inside.”

 

“Well then where is he?”

 

“Who?” The captain asks, glancing between them.

 

Ruby flashes a wide smile, “The Doctor.”

 

As if on cue, the ship’s radio transmitter goes off, picking up a signal. The co-pilot looks at it surprised. “It’s from another vessel!”

 

“Can you display it on the screen?” The pilot asks, leaning over as if to do it herself. The co-pilot nods, fiddles with a few switches, and they see the vessel spinning in the same atmosphere around them, a bright blue police box, flying off the screen in time for the message: _“I will always find you ;)”_

 

Everyone on the bridge blinks at it, not understanding, while Ruby rolls her eyes and mutters, “He’s so stupid,” with a laugh.

 

“What… what does that mean?” the captain asks, her bewilderment taking the place of the ship’s (hopefully former) dreaded fate.

 

Ruby shares a smile with her companion. “It means we’re all gonna have Christmas after all.”

 

* * *

 

 

Down on the planet, everyone bustles about, running last minute Christmas errands, singing carols, or celebrating early, oblivious to the ship in the sky above them, and oblivious to the actions taking place in the Mills mansion, or the Mills castle, really. It’s architectural style stands out among the homey streets of Millstown, looking like a fortress among the cottages and small shops lining the village.

 

It’s cold in comparison to the warm streets, and it’s leader and her people fit to their homes’ descriptions like a perfect analogy. Regina’s an unsympathetic and grouchy leader, staying out of things just enough for people to forget that she grew up to be much like her late mother but wasn’t always.

 

Up close, it’s easy to remember. She favors her mother. They look different, but it’s in the attitude, the way that her eyes glaze with an uncaring and icy stare, the way her mouth forms a tight line when it isn’t scowling, the way she barks orders at her staff…  

 

It’s been around two decades since Cora’s death. Regina, new to adulthood at the time, had taken over immediately, falling seamlessly into the leadership position and into her mother’s footsteps like she was meant to be there, acting as her mother rather than as herself. Mary Margaret and her husband, David, always wondered what kind of person Regina would have been without her mother’s influence, or if her past had held any happiness.

 

They wonder the same things now as they stand before her with their son and grandson, their daughter preserved in the cryochamber she’s spent all of Henry’s life in across the room. “We just want to spend one Christmas with her,” Mary Margaret explains. “It’s been so long since we’ve seen her. She loves Christmas and to sing. It would warm our hearts to hear her voice again. Neal’s never even gotten the chance to meet her.” The young boy looks up at Regina with wide eyes, and she fights back a scoff at how staged it looks.

 

“Yeah, no. I’m gonna have to reject that,” Regina says with a casual shrug and wave of her hand, as if to indicate in all respects that this is worth none of her time. But the woman sighs, and Regina rolls her eyes, ready to end this discussion before it can begin. “You know the rules. Besides, love is weakness.”

 

“That’s not true!” the kid squeaks out, loud enough to grate on Regina’s nerves.

 

She scoffs, taking a step towards the family, eyeing the boy and then the other three. “You ought to teach that child to watch his mouth. He’s out of line. You should know better,” she sneers before turning to walk away.

 

The woman scoffs right back. “We’re actually great parents, but you wouldn’t know because our other child is frozen in the ice.”

 

That brings Regina to a halt. “Other child?” she asks, turning back to face them, her eyes on the young man this time. “The kid isn’t yours? I thought he belonged to you two...” she waves her hand between Henry and the girl’s cryochamber.

 

The young man gags obnoxiously. “Henry!” Mary Margaret scolds beneath her breath.

 

Henry shrugs at his grandmother before looking back to Regina.  “No, ma’am. That’s my _mom_ ,” he says with a nod towards the ice box. “She volunteered for the ice when I was born.”

 

Regina quirks a brow before turning to one of her staff members. “How much?” she mutters. The man mumbles the answer, too quiet for the family to catch. “Hear that? Five thousand, Regina repeats, slinking her way back to them. “That’s your loan. The proof of my generosity,” she smirks. “Your daughter is my security.”

 

Mary Margaret opens her mouth, ready to explain that they aren’t asking for her _back_ , they just want _one day_ . _Christmas Day_. But David places his hand over hers with a reassuring squeeze, and she thinks better of it, knowing that it would only piss Regina off more. She gives her husband and grandson matching apologetic smiles, her free hand gently squeezing Neal’s shoulder.

 

The smirk leaves Regina’s face as she turns back to the cryochamber holding the girl, Emma Swan, according to the records. She stands out to Regina as someone she might have loved once, maybe if she had gotten to her before her mother… if their social classes were more aligned… if she hadn’t have been in the ice when they were around the same age…

 

Regina’s dark eyes linger over her porcelain skin and golden hair, and she ignores the way her heart thrums. “She may be beautiful, but that’s not enough to convince me to let her out,” she mutters, her voice full of something she doesn’t recognize.

 

The room is unnaturally still for just a moment before the phone rings, but Regina’s eyes and thoughts linger on Emma. “Yes, just one moment, sir,” another staff member, Graham, speaks before reaching over, his hand lightly brushing against Regina’s arm. “Madam Mills, it’s the president.”

 

She flinches back from the man’s touch, scowling as she tears her eyes from the woman behind the glass window of the cryochamber and turning to him, holding the phone out for her. “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?” she scoffs. Before turning back to the family. “You can’t have her back. Or you’ll owe me back for the loan.”

 

Something about the finality in her voice makes David break enough to let the words his wife held back leave his own mouth. His voice comes out a soft pleading. “We just want _one_ day with her, please. She volunteered so many years ago, can’t you just give her this one day?”

 

Regina opens her mouth, ready to snap back at him about not listening to her when Graham speaks again. “Ma’am, it’s important. There’s a galaxy class spaceship trapped in the cloud layer. It’s from Earth, full of people. We need to let it land.”

 

She turns to Graham with a smirk, deciding that _this_ is much more interesting than the poor family standing in her main hall. “Oh, we do, do we? And what if I say no?”

 

“It’ll crash…”

 

“Then we’ll be letting it land, will we not?”

 

“Ma’am…” Graham boldly tries again but trails off when she rolls her eyes and snatches the phone, listening for a moment before letting out an exasperated sigh.

 

“Your people are not under my jurisdiction and are therefore none of my concern. We’re overpopulated as it is, and I don’t need anyone else crowding my planet…. No, I don’t make exceptions. You’ll just have to land your own way …. Is that not what I just said?… Of course I could help, but that doesn’t mean I will. I have nothing more to say to you.”  She forcefully hangs up the phone, bringing her fingers to her temples.

 

There’s a strange noise from the fireplace, some soot falling, and she huffs. “Graham, please send someone to get whatever animal made its way into my fireplace _out_ ,” she says as she turns around. Her eyes land back on the family and she groans. “Oh, _you’re_ still here. We’re done. Now get out of my sight; you’re making me cranky,” she says, waving her hand in dismissal.

 

They turn to leave, but the rustling in the fireplace becomes louder and closer to the hearth, and it stops them in their tracks. They watch with furrowed brows as a man tumbles out of it, standing up with a wide grin on his face as he straightens his suit jacket and bow tie while Regina gapes at him, speechless.

 

He surveys the people in the room for a moment before finally speaking, his voice ringing loud through the puzzled silence. “Wow, okay, so I was going to make a normal entrance, but then my TARDIS landed on the roof. _The roof_ ! And it was too perfect to pass up, even if you don’t think so. _But_ it _is_ Christmas Eve so I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t. Happy Christmas! I’m the Doctor by the way!”

 

His excited introduction is met with nothing but more silence, no one knowing quite how to respond, and when no one does, he keeps on, eyes on Neal. “Don’t worry, kid, Big Red’ll still be by… I just wanted to see what the job entailed. _Not_ that I want to apply because _wow_ that’s a lot of cookies. I’ve got two hearts, not two stomachs,” he says with a laugh to himself that quickly disappears when he realizes no one is laughing with him. He shakes it off rather quickly as the smile falls back in place.

 

Neal is the first to finally speak after another brief moment of quiet. “Big Red?”

 

“Yes! Red suit, fat fellow, Big Red.” Neal curls his lip and stares blankly at the Doctor, which only encourages his babbling more. “Santa Claus! Father Christmas! ‘Or, as I've always known him, Geoff.’”

 

Neal finally scoffs, “Santa Claus isn’t real. Everyone knows that.”

 

The Doctor gives him a look of mock outrage before walking over to him in two swift steps, “Oh yeah, then who is _this?_ ” he asks as he triumphantly pushes a picture in Neal’s face. The kid squints at the picture of the Doctor himself with a guy who looks like he could be _anyone_ before looking back to the man, lip curl back in place. “Come on, kid! Santa! Don’t let legends die. It’s not nice. Get it? Nice! See what I did there?” No one laughs. “Like, naughty and nice. You know the drill, right?”

 

No one answers, and the Doctor moves on, surveying the room once again, looking beyond the people and instead at what the space holds. His eyes catch on Cora’s machine off to the side and his face lights up, like Neal’s should if Santa paid him a visit. He bounces over to the machine, exclaiming “ _WOW_ , this looks like my kind of thing! What is it? It’s got pipey things that remind me of music, but the flashy lights remind me of-- ooh wait a minute, _I know_ ! Well I don’t _know,_ but I’ve got an idea, several really, but one at a time. Your place has a set of spires meeting at a point. _Very sleek_ by the way, but I’ll bet they’re not there just to look nice. They’re connected to this aren’t they? And pointed at the sky, this machine must control it. ‘Well, technically it controls the clouds, which technically aren't clouds at all. Well, they're clouds of tiny particles of ice. Ice clouds. Love that. Who's she?’” He asks, eyes on Emma’s cryochamber

 

Regina scowls, “Does it matter?”

 

The Doctor glances from Emma to the family to Regina before going back to Emma. He glances  back to Regina and gives her a look, shrugs like he knows something. Her forehead creases, making a break in her irritation. “I’m quite sure it does” he mutters before turning back to the cloud machine to fiddle with it. “Okay so I need this to save that ship, yeah? Because if _not_ then I would need magic, which would be ridiculous cause magic doesn’t exist on this planet, not _that_ kind anyway. There’s plenty of planets, or, you know, _realms_ for that matter, but not this one…” He growls through his teeth in frustration, unable to operate the machine. “Alright, so I can’t get it to work. Why can’t I get it to work? This should be fairly self-explanatory,” he huffs, somehow still sounding upbeat.

 

“You might as well give up. ‘The controls are isomorphic. One to one.’ The machine won’t work for you. I’m the only one who can control it,” Regina smirks, walking over to the machine.

 

“Psh, yeah, right. _Isomorphic controls_ … that’s just ridiculous.” Regina walks over to the machine, and she reaches around the Doctor to flip the machine on and off with little to no effort, and he gapes at it once more before trying again himself, even bringing his sonic screwdriver into the mix. The only reaction he gets is buzzes of rejection and disapproval at his attempts, the machine’s controls clearly isomorphic. “‘These controls are isomorphic,’” he mumbles like Regina hadn’t just told him that from the beginning.

 

Regina scoffs. “I own the skies of this planet. My mother tamed them, and they belong to me now.”

 

The Doctor squints his eyes at her, more with curiosity than suspicion. “What does it mean, that she tamed the sky?”

 

Regina brushes off his question. “Cora Mills, my late mother… My name is Regina Mills. I own this planet and the skies above it. How do you not know this?”

 

In return, the doctor ignores her question right back, fiddling once more with the machine. “Okay So. I’m in the right place, seeing as you’re the one that can help me.”

 

Regina crosses her arms. “I’m afraid I can’t.”

 

“‘There are four thousand and three people in a spaceship trapped in your cloud belt.’ If you refuse to help me, none of them will survive,” the Doctor explains.

 

But the brunette only nods indifferently. “And?”

 

“They don’t have to die, Regina.”

 

She releases a bored laugh, turning away from the man. “No, but they will…. Now scram,” she says, her voice turning cold again as she gives Graham a look. He nods curtly before grabbing the Doctor’s arms behind his back to drag him from the room.

 

Of course, the Doctor wiggles out and he dashes over to where Regina is making herself comfortable in a chair by the fireplace. When he’s stopped in front of her, she arches an eyebrow at him. “Well, someone’s serious...”

 

The Doctor’s mouth forms a tight line, all the traces of humor that he’d held with him up to this point gone. “I am serious. Do you know why? I’m going to save those 4,003 people one way or another.”

 

“Oh, are you?” Regina asks, amused.

 

“Yes. I am. Ms. Mills, I’ve never met an unimportant person in my life. Never found anyone that wasn’t worth protecting. But there are times where sacrifices must be made, and you’re about to see what that looks like.”

 

Regina stands to meet the Doctor’s steady gaze. “Are you threatening me?”

 

“Anything that happens, it’s on you, Regina. Remember that.”

 

With a small snort, she waves her hand and says, “Yeah, whatever.” She doesn’t like where this conversation’s heading, and she isn’t interested in seeing where else it will go. She’s not repeating herself again. Turning to Graham, her eyes land on the family still watching the scene from across the room. She doesn’t even dignify their presence with a noise. “Please remove this man, and that pathetic little family from my sight.”

 

She sneers at them once before turning back to her chair, but she ceases all movements when she hears the youngest one shout at her over the scuffling sound of her five unwanted guests being ushered away. “Bitch!” His voice cracks, and he’s too young to sound actually threatening, but Regina doesn’t care.

 

She’s towering over him in seconds, her anger driving her over in only a few swift movements, her eyes aflame as her hand reaches for the boys neck, intent on inflicting some form of punishment. But Neal wimpers under her aggressive contact, his little hands instinctively moving to her arm even though she’s not restricting his air flow, and she drops her hand, retreating and refusing to turn until they’ve left and her staff have removed Emma’s cryochamber. Even then she waits for several beats of silence.

 

Something about the interaction with the boy stunts her. She’s frozen with some unidentified emotion, and when she sees the Doctor move out of the corner of her eye, somehow still in the room, she wears a bothered expression, feeling irritated by everything, especially his presence, but when she demands, “What do you want?” her voice sounds just sad enough to show the Doctor a sliver of insecurity.

 

He watches her carefully for a moment before finally commenting. “You didn’t hurt him.”

 

She doesn’t turn to him, but she tries to cover the broken note her voice held just seconds ago. “I gave him a warning. Next time, he’ll pay.”

 

“Somehow, I doubt that… why is that?”

 

Regina lets out a breath, almost a low growl. “Get out,” she spits.

 

But the Doctor doesn’t move. Well, he does move, just not out of the room. He takes a few steps around, analyzing something, but Regina doesn’t know what, and she hopes not to find out.

 

His brows furrow as he tries to notice something. It’s just there… right on the precipice of realization… a breakthrough. And then it clicks. “OH! ‘The chairs. Of course, the chairs. Stupid me, the chairs.’”

 

“What are you talking about?” she asks, turning to look at him, not expecting commentary on interior design.

 

“‘There's a portrait on the wall behind me. Looks like you, but it's too old, so it's your mother. All the chairs are angled away from it. Mummy’s been dead for twenty years, but you still can't get comfortable where she can see you. There's a Christmas tree in the painting, but none in this house, on _Christmas Eve_. You're scared of her, and you're scared of being like her, and good for you, you're not like her, not really. Do you know why?’”

 

Regina blinks a moment, wanting to ask but not wanting to know. “Why?”

 

A knowing smile quirks on the Doctor’s lips. “You didn’t hurt the boy... I hope you have a nice Christmas, Regina,” he says, finally turning to leave.

Her lip curls at the sentiment. “Not likely. I hate Christmas,” she says, confirming his analysis. She hadn’t wanted to, but it happened nevertheless.

 

“I’m sure you’ll come to love it,” the Doctor says, almost sing-songy as he nearly skips to the door, pulling it open with a hard tug.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Oh, you’ll see,” the Doctor says with a wink as he closes the door, leaving Regina alone in the room, left to wonder, but not to hope. There’s no point.

 

* * *

 

  


On the streets of Millstown, the Doctor paces in the snow, his face a picture of concentration as he radios Ruby back on the ship to update her on his progress. Lack of progress? No, his _pending_ progress. Maybe this isn’t looking _great_ , but he’s gonna turn it around.

 

“Doctor?” Ruby says, her voice tense with worry.

 

“Ruby! My favorite wolfy companion!”

 

She validates his enthusiasm with a single laugh, but it’s shaky. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Flattery is great, but it’s not gonna save this ship. We need a plan!”

 

“YES! Good thinking. _Well_ , you’ll be pleased to know that I know how to control the sky!”

 

The Doctor grins to himself when he hears Belle’s voice in the background. “Wait a minute. Did he say _control the sky_?”

 

“Ah, great hearing. Almost as great as Ruby’s. I _did_ say that. Are you sure you’re not a werewolf too, Belle?”

 

“Shut up,” Ruby snorts. “Okay, if you can control the sky or whatever, does that mean you can help us land?”

 

“Good news first, or bad news? Oh _wait_ .. I already gave you the good. Ah, well. The bad news is that while I know how it can be controlled, _I_ technically can’t control it, and the woman who can hates me. Everyone, really...”

 

Ruby groans, “See, I knew I should have sent Belle down there with you. She’s better with people,” she adds with a mumble.

 

“Excuse you!” The Doctor exclaims in mock offense, just as he feels a hand on his arm. He turns to see the older man from Regina’s place earlier. “Uh, Ruby, hang on just a moment,” he says, lowering the radio and looking expectantly at the man.

 

He gives the Doctor a warm grin as he extends his hand, taking the Doctor’s in both of his for a firm shake. “David Nolan,” he introduces. “Sir, I gotta tell you… you just made my Christmas. No one ever talks to Regina Mills like that. I’m so…” he trails off, unable to capture how he feels about the moment in a word, and instead he breaks out into a wide and giddy smile.

 

The Doctor smiles back with a nod, “Yes, thank you, Happy Christmas sir. He holds up the radio as an explanation for his rushed reply, “Sorry I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

 

David gives him an understanding smile, backing up and putting his hat back on his head, preparing for the journey home. “Yes of course. You know, you’d better get inside. There’s a fish warning. Haven’t you heard?”

 

The Doctor nods along, ushering the conversation to closure, but as soon as he catches what the man is talking about, he forgets all about the radio. “Fish?”

 

“Yes, sir, the fish. ‘You know what they're like when they get a bit hungry.’”

 

“‘Yeah, fish, I know fish. _Fish?_ ’” The Doctor’s face becomes even more confused. _New planets are weird_.

 

“Yes, well, Madam Mills always lets some slip through when she’s grouchy, which is always, but tonight especially after… you know,” he laughs gesturing at the Doctor. “Which, by the way, thanks again, sir! Have a Merry Christmas!” he exclaims as he leaves.

 

The Doctor stares after him, at a loss. “Fish??” He looks around like it could possibly explain to him what the hell is up with _fish_ , and surprisingly enough, it does. He spots a little fish up in the air, gliding through the fog. “Oh wow, FISH! Fog fish!”

 

He aguely hears Ruby’s voice calling out to him through the radio where he’s still holding it down at his waist, but his eyes remain transfixed on the little fish and its exploration of a lightpost. “Doctor! We only have an hour. What should we do? Are you still there?”

 

“Fish…” he mutters, unconsciously raising the radio back up, eyes still not wavering.

 

“What was that? Did you say _fish_?”

 

“This is amazing, Ruby. The fish can swim in the fog.”

 

The Doctor’s voice is in a daze, while Ruby’s is still etched with mild panic. “How does that help us?” He concentrates, forehead creased, while the gears start to turn. If there’s a fish in this thin layer of fog... “Doctor?” Ruby asks again.

 

“They must be all over the cloud layer… watch out,” the Doctor tells her.

 

Ruby scoffs, “Yeah because we weren’t doing that already. Did you hear me? _An hour_. We’re running out of time.”

 

“Time…” the Doctor mumbles. Just then, the clock strikes eleven, and it feels bigger than it’s echoing sound. “Wait a minute,” he says as he tearing his eyes away from the fish and takes in his surroundings as if they hold the key.

 

“Doctor…” Ruby says again, determined to bring him back to the matter at hand. “What’s the plan? We need a plan.”

 

The Doctor snaps back to the moment, thinking out loud over the singing that’s started drifting from a group of carollers. “Okay well, the TARDIS can’t lock on to the ship, so unless I can get to Regina and have that scrooge of a woman open her heart before Christmas Day, then we’re out of options.”

 

“Well that’s just great…” Ruby pauses for a beat before asking, “Um, Doctor. Are you singing?”

 

“No it’s not me, it’s a Christmas carol,” he answers, too quiet as his thoughts for a plan take back his concentration.

 

“What was that?”

 

“A Christmas. Carol,” he repeats a little louder.

 

“A Christmas Carol?” Ruby says more than asks, her voice suddenly less stressed as it carries hints of some kind of secret.

 

The Doctor’s brows furrow once more. “Yes, that’s what I… OH. _OH_ . Ruby you genius! You puppy dog, you! Stay tuned, Ruby. I’m about to take Regina Mills’s _Bah Humbug_ , and turn it into a _Merry Christmas_.”

 

* * *

 

 

_Regina smiles into the camera, talking to no one but it hardly matters to her. Her room is her safe haven, and though she loathes being trapped within its walls, it’s_ hers _, and that’s why she loves it._

 

_“Hello, my name is Regina, and I’m twelve and a half, and it’s Christmas Eve. Mother has important business to attend to, so I’m making this.” She smiles and leans forward, dropping her voice to a near whisper. “I’m tired of missing out, always cooped up in here. There’s so many things I want to do, but Mother doesn’t understand,” she sighs. “I want to take horseback riding lessons, but she’s always making excuses, and I want to travel, but she tells me there’s nothing out there worth seeing, and I want to see a fish…” She trails off, a sneaky smile on her face._

 

_“Well, she won’t let me do that either, but tonight’s the night. I’ve got it all planned out.” She turns towards the large window behind her, wide open with a purpose. She beams. “I’m calling it Operation Fish. It’ll be my Christmas secret.”_

 

_The smile drops from her small face the second Cora’s voice rings out throughout the house. “REGINA!” She jumps back from the camera, standing to face the door._

 

Regina startles awake in her chair. She didn’t know when she fell asleep, but she hopes it doesn’t happen again. She’s uninterested in reliving Cora’s torments on her childhood through her dreams. _“REGINA!”_ her mother’s voice sounds again, this time through the main room where Regina jumps out of her chair, her eyes looking for the source of the noise.

 

She’s stunned to see the video from her childhood, the same one she had just been dreaming about, projected against the wall, large and loud, playing right before her eyes.

 

_“What do you think you’re doing Regina? What did I tell you about messing with nonsense like this. Close the damn window or I’ll move your bedroom to a windowless room,” Cora threatens, storming to the window and slamming it shut before advancing back towards her daughter._

 

_“Mother, please, I just wanted to make a movie, recording the fish,” she admits with a small voice, not even trying to keep her secret a secret._

_“Regina, why must I repeat myself to you so many times. You can’t see the fish, they’re dangerous and they’re not for you. Not outside and certainly not in this house.”_

 

_“But--”_

 

_“Don’t argue with me,” she snaps. “You’re being ridiculous. You’re not old enough.”_

 

_Regina tries again. “But Mother, all the kids in my class have seen them, they talk about the fish all the time--”_

 

_“Well I’m not everyone else’s mother, dear. You need to put an end to this nonsense before you start believing the fish enjoy music, like all those poor people do. They’re out of their mind. Have you forgotten that I know what’s best?”_

 

_Regina deflates, “No ma’am, but--”_

 

_“Don’t talk back to me, Regina,” Cora nearly growls, her angry eyes boring into Regina’s as she intends to incite fear. The young girl flinches as her mother steps towards her, one hand tight around her throat as she lifts her up so that only her toes are touching the ground._

 

_Regina winces, her hands latching onto her mother’s arm for support. She can still breathe, but only because she isn’t struggling. The only thing she’s fighting now are the tears threatening to spill. She’s held for a moment, as Cora waits for the inevitable “I’m sorry” that Regina finally gasps out, relieved when her feet land flat against the floor._

 

_“Good girl. You’ll do well to remember it,” Cora says, pushing Regina away, not hard enough to hurt her physically, and storming out the door, slamming it hard behind her._

 

_It’s not until her footsteps can no longer be heard, and Regina is truly alone, that she allows herself to cry. She crumbles at her desk, camera still rolling, and sobs into her arms._

 

Watching the scene play out, Regina can’t help but cry. It’s not as much as she did then, but it still happens. The memory hurts, and she’s never watched this video and never realized, never _saw,_ how genuinely happy she used to feel and how quickly her mother could crush it. Feeling it was one thing, but witnessing it is another thing entirely.

 

She turns her head a little and the Doctor is there, leaning against the fireplace. She startles at the sight of him, not expecting him to be there. Quickly, she wipes the tears from her face, embarrassed that he might’ve seen her cry, in this time, anyway. She’s mortified at the video and wonders how much he’s seen. She wants to turn it off, but she doesn’t know how, and judging by the look on his face he’s behind this somehow. The thought alone makes her anger flare. “What are you doing? How did you get this?”

 

He promptly ignores her. “Sorry, I know it’s grainy, but it took a bit of work. It’s a bit old isn’t it?”

 

A question she refuses to answer, not that she needs to. If he’s seen it from the beginning, he knows it was almost thirty years ago. “How did you get in here?” she demands, looking around the room to summon her servants.

 

The Doctor smirks playfully, “Oh, I wouldn’t bother. They all quit.”

 

“They quit?” Regina deadpans.

“Yeah, they all won the lottery, can you believe it?” he asks, walking across the room with a mischievous grin.

 

“There isn’t a lottery,” Regina tells him, her bewilderment distracting her from the younger version of herself still crying, the display falling on the Doctor as he walks in front of wherever the projection is coming from.

He circles back. “I know! Amazing really...”

 

She doesn’t know who he is, or why he’s here, but his presence and his actions so far leave her nervous, forming a knot in her stomach. If there’s anything she hates (besides Christmas), it’s not understanding things. “‘Who are you?’” she demands.

 

“Tonight, let’s just say that I’m the Ghost of Christmas Past.’”

 

Regina squints at him, but he turns away watching the video once more. Regina’s eyes follow his. “I haven’t seen past this. How does it end?”

 

“Who cares…” Regina murmurs, sounding more affected than she wanted to.

His answer is simple. “ _You_ did. And I _do_.”

 

She scoffs. “How it ends is that I learned that _nobody cares_. And what do you know anyway?” She turns to face him again, growing more irritated at the soft smile on his lips. “Get the hell out of my house,” she orders him. She swears, she won’t say it again.

 

“Fine. but you best pay attention,” he gestures at the video as he steps back into the projection towards the door. “See you around, Regina Mills.”

 

The door shuts, and she lets out a breath of relief, almost smiling at how easily he left that time. But her relief is short lived as she looks back to the video still playing, and there he is again. The Doctor, standing in the reopened window of her childhood bedroom. “What…”

 

_He leaps into the window, careful not to startle Regina (_ either of them _, he chuckles lightly to himself), and as she hears him, she spins around, brought to a stand again in surprise. “Wow you’re even tinier in person. How old are you again? Twelve?”_

 

_“Twelve and a half,” Regina glares at him, crossing her arms._

 

_“Right, okay then. Let’s see here,” he mutters as he walks to Regina’s desk, putting his face in the camera. “‘See? Christmas Past,’” he says with a chuckle._

 

_“‘Who are you talking to?’”_

 

_“‘You,’” the Doctor casually answers, and the small girl’s confusion only builds._

_“But I’m right here.”_

 

_The Doctor turns to look at her. “No, Reggie. Future you.”_

 

“I hate that nickname…” Regina scowls at the Doctor on the screen, even though he can’t hear her.

 

_“What do you have to say to yourself?” he asks, turning back to the camera to flash a grin just for the adult Regina watching._

 

_The young Regina is as quick to ignore him as her adult counterpart. With a scowl she tells him, “I hate that nickname.”_

 

Regina chuckles.

 

_“Try to keep up,_ Reggie,” he enunciates the nickname as he looks into the camera, as if he just _knows_ she hates it just as much. _“This memory thing is going to get a bit confusing.”_

 

Regina scowls at him.

 

_“So who are you?” Regina asks._

 

_“I’m the Doctor! Your new babysitter!”_

 

_Regina snorts, looking him up and down. “No, you’re not…”_

 

_“I am now…” he grins as he pulls out his ‘credentials.’ Her eyes widen when she sees that he’s telling her the truth. He gives her a practiced look of validation. “What did I tell you?”_

 

_“I don’t get it. Mother wouldn’t hire me a new babysitter. Especially not you. You seem too fun and she hates fun.”_

 

_“Well. We’re gonna have to make up for twelve and a half years of no fun, aren’t we?”_

 

Regina furrows her brow, her brain starting to feel heavier, adapting to the new memories she’d just watched herself experience. It’s no longer that she just witnessed them, she lived them. “I remember…” she mutters to herself, sitting back into her chair, eyes still on the projection.

 

_“Okay, so where do we start? You’re a twelve year old girl, so what do you think is fun? Dolls?” The two of them glance around the room, the Doctor seeking confirmation for his first guess or information for his second. Regina gives him a blank stare when he doesn’t find a single doll or toy or game. He tries again, taking a shot in the dark. “Okayyy boys? We can talk about boys. Boys are cute right?” Regina looks at him, horrified and disgusted. “Girls?” the Doctor corrects hesitantly._

 

_Regina rolls her eyes and releases a heavy sigh. “What do you want?”_

 

_“I don’t know, what do_ you _want? I’m not sure which route of conversation to go here…” he says, his hands up, moving back in forth in a this or that gesture._

 

_“No!” Regina says, her eyes wide when she realizes he’s still on the_ boys or girls _topic. “That isn’t what I’m asking you! Why are you here? I doubt you’re my babysitter just because you want to talk about cute girls with me…”_

 

_The Doctor’s face stretches wide with success. “Girls! Yes! I knew it!” Regina shoots him a glare. “Sorry. Look, Reggie--”_

 

_“It’s_ Regina. _”_

 

_“_ Regina _…” he corrects, “I’m here to lift your spirits. Isn’t it working?”_

 

_“Yes, but…”_

 

_“But…?”_

 

_Regina lets out another sigh, slumping onto the bed in defeat, shoulders slouched. “Mother still won’t let me.”_

 

_The Doctor sits down next to her. “Let you what?”_

 

_Regina plays with her hands in her lap for a long moment of silence, still unsure if she wants to open up to this strange man. But he_ is _her new babysitter after all, and he_ does _seem like a lot of fun… maybe he could help. So finally, she looks up to his sincere eyes before admitting, “See a fish…”_

 

_His eyes light up, his excitement contagious enough for Regina’s to follow suit. ‘“You want to see a fish? We’ll see a fish!’”_

 

_“We will?” Regina asks, perking up._

 

_“Yes!” he confirms, leaping off the bed. “I have an idea. Get in the closet.” Regina makes a face. “Okay sorry, not my best choice of words, but you know what I mean.”_

 

_She does as he says, ready for the adventure to begin._

 

* * *

 

 

_It’s not as exciting as she thought it would be, the two of them squished in her closet, which is spacious, all things considered, but it’s not like it was made for a hideout. The Doctor is more patient than Regina, turning to grin at her as she crosses her arms with a huff._

 

_“My screwdriver should attract one. We just need to wait. When I feel a little tug in this string, I’ll go check it out and make sure it’s safe.”_

 

_Regina nods, but doesn’t say anything, suddenly quiet._

 

_The Doctor eyes her carefully for a moment. She doesn’t seem as concerned with time anymore, her eyes falling to her lap like they had in her bedroom earlier, her thoughts clearly drifting from the project at hand. “You like the fish, but you’ve never seen one?”_

 

_Regina shrugs, eyes remaining downcast._

 

_“Hey come on. You can tell me,” the Doctor tells her with a light nudge of his elbow._

 

_After a moment the girl finally releases a sigh. “My mother won’t let me. Says I’m too young, but I’m not. Everyone at school has seen them, except for me. But they all say I’m so lucky cause my mother’s in charge, so I must see the fish all the time. They say since my mother is rich, I can have anything I want…”_

 

_“But none of that is true,” the Doctor says, more as a statement than a question._

_Regina shakes her head. “I’m not poor. I should be happy, better off. But I’ve never felt more lonely. The poorer kids at school all seem happier. They have friends. They’ve seen the fish, and I...”_

 

_Just then, the string tugs._

 

_“I think your life’s about to change,” the doctor says, looking to the camera, sitting across from them in the closet._

 

Regina literally sits on the edge of her seat, watching the adventure play out in front of her, the filling in of new memories not so far behind.

 

_“‘Do you trust me?’”_

 

_“‘Yes.’”_

 

“‘Yes.’”

 

_“I’ll be right back,” the Doctor says as he gets up, pushing the door open with a barely audible creak and then shutting it gently behind him. He tiptoes into the room towards where his sonic screwdriver is strategically hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room. A tiny fish is pecking at it curiously, and a grin breaks out on the Doctor’s face as he looks at it. This should be perfect. Not too big, not too little. Regina will certainly approve._

 

_“‘Hello, fishy. Let's see. Interesting. Crystalline fog, eh? Maybe carrying a tiny electrical charge. Is that how you fly, little fishy?’”_

 

_In the closet, Regina is pressed up against the door, listening for any indication of what’s taking place in her bedroom. “Did you say fish? Is there really one out there?” she asks, a smile dancing on her lips._

 

_“Yes he’s a cute little guy, aren’t you?”_

 

_Regina squeals. “I want to see him. How small is he? Do you think I’d be able to keep him?”_

 

_The Doctor pokes lightly at the fish, which jerks back in surprise before swimming back to his finger and then away again. He’s just about to tell Regina it’s safe to come out when the air in the room shifts drastically, a giant mass pushes its way in so abruptly that the Doctor flinches back._

 

_When he opens his eyes, his jaw drops._

 

_A shark just ate the fish, ate his screwdriver, and is floating in the fog that fills Regina’s bedroom. The Doctor lets out a small whimper as he slowly creeps back to the closet, hoping Regina doesn’t decide to walk out without his signal. “Um right, okay…”_

 

_“What’s happening?” Regina asks, excited. “Can I come out now?”_

 

_The Doctor is quick to answer as he watches the shark’s head jerk. It won’t be long until it decides to come for him as well. “_ No _. No, er, I wouldn’t usually give this advice, but I need you to stay in the closet. For now.”_

 

_He watches as the shark starts to turn towards him, and he wastes no more time in pulling the closet door open and diving in, throwing it shut behind him, back pressed firm against it. It’s a smart move too, because the shark followed his movement, and the whole closet shakes as the shark’s body hits the door._

 

_Regina’s eyes go wide, her eyebrows shooting upward. “What’s going on?”_

 

_“Um, nothing too serious. The fish make more sense to me, as does the fog, which doesn’t help us right here right now,_ but _there’s at least four thousand people from the future that will appreciate this little adventure of yours. Not to mention whatever my sonic screwdriver picked up on…”_

 

_Regina looks at him, realizing he’s come back empty handed. “Where is it?”_

 

_“The shark ate it.”_

 

_“The shark?!” Regina shrieks_

 

_“Hey now, calm down, it’s not that big a deal.”_

 

_“There’s a shark in my bedroom, of course it’s a big deal! My mother is going to kill me!” Regina exclaims, pacing in the small space, hands running through her hair, just as the shark hits again, the door flying open, taking the camera out with it._

 

When the video goes out, Regina gapes at the fuzzy static on her wall in alarm. “It’s going to kill us!” Her mind is racing as it tries to pull up the rest of the memory. If it kills her in that closet, will she disappear completely? What will happen?

 

_Back in the closet, Regina is pressed against the wall, crouching on the ground next to the Doctor, more or less in the same position. “It’s going to kill us!” Regina squeaks, flinching as the shark thrashes in the doorway, it’s sharp teeth making Regina wince._

 

_“Well, better than your mother killing us right?” The Doctor tries to joke, but Regina is too afraid to laugh back. “Okay. Plan, plan. We need a plan…” The Doctor thinks hard of the possibilities, the best one leaving his mouth the second it comes to him. “I could stun it! With my screwdriver.”_

 

_Regina squints up at him. “I thought you said the shark ate your screwdriver...”_

 

_“It did, but, look... see it there,” he says as he points at a little green glow coming from inside the shark’s mouth._

 

_“Are you kidding me?!” Regina exclaims._

 

_“No, I never kid, kid. Maybe I can grab it if little sharky here is as stuck as she looks. You think so?”_

 

_“What? No, way!”_

 

_But the Doctor just waggles his eyebrows before diving at the shark. “‘Geronimo!’”_

 

* * *

 

 

_The Doctor stands over the shark, stunned and lying unmoving on the porch as he fidgets with his screwdriver, half of it anyway, trying to get it to function properly again. It had worked okay enough to stun the shark, but now it’s signal goes in and out, likely due to its other half lost to the animal._

 

_He tsks. “Half a screwdriver. What am I gonna do with you...” he mutters down at the screwdriver before he looks down at the shark. “And you. What am I gonna do with_ you _?”_

 

_He’s trying to think through how to deal with the shark when a sniffle interrupts his thoughts. Regina is sitting next to it, running a hand along her side. It’s clear the shark doesn’t have long. “Does she have to die? She’s only supposed to be stunned. We can do something, can’t we?”_

 

_The Doctor sighs as he crouches down next to her. “Regina, we won’t be able to get her back up without something to help her survive the journey,” he explains._

 

_“Like what?”_

 

_“A life support of some kind…”_

 

_“Like an icebox?” Regina asks, her tears no longer falling. “That’s no problem. I can get us one of those. Come on.”_

 

_Regina leads him through the house, and soon enough they’re passing a familiar room where he would stumble out of the fireplace almost thirty years into the future. It looks the same, with one noticeable difference. “Oh wow, you have a tree! All lit up and decorated.”_

 

_Regina turns to flash him an odd look. “Well yeah, it’s Christmas Eve.”_

 

_“Right,” the Doctor chuckles to himself as Regina rolls her eyes and continues to move through the main room and down the hallway. Eventually they descend a set of steps and get to a room that is almost like ice itself with a heavy, vaulted door on the wall opposite the stairs. The Doctor knows what it is immediately. “A cryovault…”_

 

_“My mother calls it ‘the surplus population.’”_

 

_“Well that’s…” he looks for the word best to sum up something that… wrong, but by the time he thinks of a few select words and phrases, Regina is already at the door, using all the strength her little body has to open it._

 

_Nothing’s happening. “I can’t open it!” Regina says, continuing to turn at the unmoving wheel._

 

_“Huh,” the Doctor says, looking around to figure out what the deal is, and everything makes sense when he spots a keypad on the wall next to the door. “Oh! Look, this must be why. What’s the code?”_

 

“One one zero eight!” Regina says from her position in the living room, standing in the middle, grateful they got the camera working and that she didn’t disappear, or die.

 

_“I don’t know… she won’t let me have it.”_

 

_“Well that’s ridiculous, why not?”_

 

_“Not old enough,” Regina says, rolling her eyes like it’s obvious._

 

_The Doctor nods but grimaces, “Well, we need it or else we can’t get in.”_

 

“One one zero eight!” Regina shouts at him, even though she knows it’s useless.

 

_“But I don’t have it! I can have it when I’m grown up, but not now!”_

 

_“Grown up… Ooh! Hold on.”_

 

“One one zero eight!” Regina yells again, mostly out of frustration. If only the Doctor would come _back here_ (she never thought she’d say that), she could tell him what it is, and--

 

“Thanks, Reggie!” she suddenly hears from behind her. She jumps but recovers fast enough to glare at the man. He laughs, sticking his tongue out at her before disappearing from the present once again and reappearing in her past.

 

_“One one zero eight!” the Doctor yells, and Regina dashes to the pad to put the numbers in. The Doctor turns the wheel, and the door opens easily, finally allowing them entry._

 

_“How does this even work?” he asks as they wander into the cold room, fog pooling at their feet and along the ground. A couple tiny fish peek up over the misty clouds, swimming through the rows of cryochambers. There’s more than the Doctor could have imagined._

 

_“It’s built on a fog lake,” Regina explains_

 

_“Oh, is that why there’s fish down here?”_

 

_Regina ignores him with a shrug, moving through the rows with purpose until she finally stops in front of a box. She stares up at it for a moment, a faint smile on her face, and wide eyes full of fondness. “We can use this one,” she finally says._

 

_“Oh, why this one?” the Doctor grins as he approaches her and the ice box, rubbing his hands together eager to find out why Regina wants to use_ this one _so bad. “Are we finally going to talk about your thing for pretty girls?”_

 

_“No…” Regina immediately responds, a heavy blush spreading on her face._

 

_The Doctor grins at her before looking at the person in the cryochamber, and he’s partially surprised, even though he knew it had to be her all along. “Oh. Emma?”_

 

_Regina turns to him, a stunned expression on her face. “You know her?” she asks as if Emma is some kind of celebrity and not a girl from a poor family, trapped in a cryochamber so her family could live._

 

_“I_ _don’t know_ her, _but I’ve met her family,” the Doctor answers. “Why her?” he asks when Regina does nothing but stare up at Emma, all smiles and heart eyes._

 

_“Oh, um…” Regina’s blush somehow grows darker as she tears her eyes away to the floor, slipping into an inexplicable twelve year old gay panic. “Well, she likes the fish. She would probably want to help the shark too.”_

 

_“Uh-huh,” the Doctor says with a sly grin._

 

_“I’m serious!” Regina squeaks, moving to the side of the ice box, still avoiding the Doctor’s gaze, and pushes a little button on the side that starts a recording in the glass window of the cryochamber. It’s Emma, smiling into the camera, likely filmed the day she went in._

 

_“My name is Emma Swan, and I’m eighteen years old. I decided to volunteer for the ice when I came of age, and my family was struggling. Without the generosity of our great leader, Cora Mills, I would not be able to make this sacrifice for my family. I’m thankful that she allows me to help them in this way--”_

 

_The Doctor shakes his head at the clearly scripted message of gratitude. “Why is she here? Why are all these people here?”_

 

_“It’s a way to help poor people,” Regina answers, eyes still on Emma’s recording. “They give my mother a family member for security, and in turn they get money or rations. She says it’s okay because they make the choice, but…” she trails off, shuddering, but not because of the cold of the room._

 

_On the video, Emma says, “I’m sorry to be seperated from my family, but I am joyful knowing that they are thriving due to Cora’s hospitality. Down here, I am surrounded by the fish; their beauty is something I admire. With them around me, as a part of this world, I can rest here knowing that I’m surrounded by life, not alone.” And she gives one final smile as the video shuts off._

 

_Regina is still gazing up at Emma, and the Doctor is sure nothing could break that stare, so when the young girl turns to look up at him instead, her face wrinkled with confusion, he thinks it must be something serious. “Do you hear that?”_

 

_He squints, listening to a sound that doesn’t take him long to hear. “That beeping? Uh, yeah, it sounds like my screwdriver wants to repair itself. Which is ridiculous cause I only have half of it.”_

 

_“You said the other half was still in the shark?”_

 

_“Yes.”_

 

_“Then why can we hear it?” Regina asks, her voice more alarmed. They look around the cryochamber, the noise becoming louder and closer, and in the distance they spot a shadow looming in the fog exactly where the noise is coming from._

 

“Oh no…” Regina sinks back to her chair, only able to watch in horror at the realization. It’s down there with them.

 

_Regina runs through the rows of cryochambers, ducking between a few that are tight together, not too much for her, but likely too much for the shark if her closet doorway is anything to go by._

 

_Her breathing is heavy, but she covers her mouth with her hand trying to be as still and as quiet as possible. She hopes the Doctor is faring okay. She turns in time to see the fin of the shark lurking past her through the thick fog, and she catches a gasp before moving to another spot further way._

 

_The room was already quiet, but somehow it gets more so, and she hopes that’s a good sign. She presses herself closer to the cryochamber next to her, and closes her eyes. Maybe the Doctor has a way out of this one too._

 

_When she hears it, her eyes fly open. Singing so beautiful that her heart stutters in her chest and her breathing stops for a moment. She peers around the cryochamber, confirming her suspicion that the angelic voice belongs to Emma._

 

_She’s kneeling on the ground in the swirling fog, the shark calm and motionless in front of her as she soothes it with a rendition of_ O Holy Night _, and Regina slowly rises to her feet, walking towards the scene._

 

_She’s completely in awe. At Emma’s voice, at Emma in general, at her control over such a dangerous creature... It’s a completely different kind of control than her mother claims to have, something serene and kind rather than forceful and dictated. “I knew the fish liked singing…”_

 

_The Doctor is suddenly next to her, or maybe he was there the whole time, she’s too transfixed to tell. “Well, it’s only cause ‘the notes resonate in the ice crystals, causing a delta wave pattern in the fog…’” he whispers. Regina glares at him before looking back at Emma. The Doctor ignores the look and continues on. “‘Of course. That's how the machine controls the cloud belt. The clouds are ice crystals. If you vibrate the crystals at exactly the right frequency, you could align them into ow! A fish bit me…”_

 

_“Because you’re ruining it.”_

 

_“But, I-”_

 

_“Be quiet,” Regina tells him, her eyes never leaving Emma._

_“Someone’s smitten,” the doctor mumbles, eliciting another glare from Regina, who’s far from amused. “Okay, sorry, shutting up.”_

 

_Emma’s still singing, but she looks up at them with a smile on her face, and Regina can’t help but smile back. She’s even more lovely in person._

 

Regina smiles at the scene, her eyes on the verge of tearing up at the fullness she feels in her heart. She turns to her mantle, which no longer contains a portrait of her mother, but of Emma, every bit as beautiful as she remembers, and her heart swells.

 

* * *

 

 

_When the Doctor takes Emma and Regina onto the TARDIS, Regina’s jaw drops. She had expected something_ cool _, but nothing like this. “Wow, it’s bigger on the inside!” she exclaims as she runs in, eyes only widening the more she sees._

 

_“You noticed! Good for you, she was really starting to feel self conscious…”_

 

_“Oh my god, this is so cool!” Emma says as she looks around with curious eyes and a smile on her face. It had been god knows how long since she’d seen_ anything _, and she’d never thought that her first day out of the ice would entail something so thrilling._

 

_“Wait ‘til you see where this little fellow lives,” the Doctor grins as he operates the TARDIS. Regina raises her eyebrows at him, and he corrects himself with a shrug. “Well, big fellow.”_

 

_A few moments later, he’s running to the doors and flinging them open. “The sky of your planet,” he announces, throwing one hand out the open doors in a dramatic reveal. Emma and Regina gape at the sight before them, the colors of the clouds splattered across the sky like a work of art as the clouds themselves teem with life, fish of all shapes and sizes active in the sky._

 

_They let the shark out and it happily races back out to its home, and Regina gapes after it, watching as it bypasses most of the ecosystem to disappear into a thicker cloud some distance away. The fish it passes continue about their existence as though no threat was near them._

 

_Regina had just wanted to see a fish tonight, and here she was, seeing hundreds. She thinks it’s the most wonderful thing she’s ever seen, but then there’s movement out of the corner of her eye, and she turns to see Emma sitting on the edge of the TARDIS’s open doorway, her feet dangling in the air as she gazes into the cloud belt, a peaceful smile on her face._

 

_The young girl follows her motions, sitting the same way next to her, only she doesn’t watch the sky, she watches Emma watch the sky, and to say she’s amazed would be an understatement._

 

Regina suddenly thinks of something, moving to a shelf on one side of the room, digging in one of the drawers for something she knows wasn’t there before all of this happened, but somehow, she knows it’s there now, and it is.

 

A collection of pictures from travelling with Emma and the Doctor, the one on top is exactly the one she was thinking of. A candid shot the Doctor had managed to capture with her camera, Emma’s back to him as she gazed out into the sky, Regina turned to face Emma, looking up at her so smitten, and so… in love, that it’s unreal.

 

She pauses, trying to remember if this was the moment she knew she loved Emma or if it was another moment. She knows that it happened early, but maybe she didn’t understand it then. She doesn’t have that memory yet, she supposes.

 

_Once they’ve had their fill of the sky, the Doctor shows them around the TARDIS, trying to make the night as entertaining as possible. Regina’s attention is so easily diverted that the Doctor gives up, relating to the fast pace and the constant excitement over new things._

 

_While she’s examining something across the ship, Emma hovers outside her ice box, examining it, a melancholy look in her eyes. “Emma?” the Doctor asks. He waits for her to turn and acknowledge him before pointing at her box, specifically at the six digit number on the door. All the boxes had them, but Emma’s number was lower than the rest, reading_ 000 008 _. “What’s that number?”_

 

_The smile in her eyes disappears just before she turns away from him, her forehead wrinkling. “Oh, it’s just something about me. Not the fish or Cora or my family. Just me.”_

 

_“Yes, but what is it?”_

 

_Emma chews on her bottom lip, unsure if she should answer._

 

_“Emma...?”_

 

_“You’re not one of_ my _doctors… are you?” It takes Emma a few beats of silence to make eye contact with him, but when she does, she looks away again, almost regretting speaking up._

 

_“One of_ yours _? Are you--” But the Doctor is interrupted by a beeping sound. Emma takes advantage, quickly moving away from the cryochamber to the source of the beeping on the TARDIS’s center console. The Doctor looks after her, still curious but moving on._

 

_“What’s that?” Regina asks, skipping over to the Doctor for an answer and smiling at Emma, oblivious to the exchange that just happened._

 

_“_ That _means it’s time to go. Christmas day is almost here!”_

 

_They drop Emma, and her chamber back off, Regina shuffling her feet as Emma opens the door to seal herself back in the ice. The blonde smiles at both of them. “Thank you… this was awesome. You should definitely come back, sometime. I mean, if you want to that is...”_

 

_“We know where to find you,” the Doctor says with a smile._

 

_Regina is less casual, jumping immediately on the chance to see Emma again. “Next Christmas Eve! We’ll be here. All of them! Right, Doctor?” She smiles up at him, giving him a look he can’t shoot down.”_

 

_He blinks, not remembering having agreed to come every Christmas Eve. “I, uh...”_

 

_Emma squeals, eyes bright with anticipation._

 

_They close the door, Emma smiling at them. “See you next Christmas, Emma!” Regina says as the door clicks shut and the ice reactivates itself, Emma looking the same as she had before they let her out._

 

_“What a night, eh?” The Doctor laughs, tugging Regina back to the door. You’ve gotta get some sleep. Santa’s not gonna bring presents to kids who stay up all night.”_

 

_Regina scowls playfully, “I know he’s not real.”_

 

_The Doctor opens his mouth to disagree, pulling out the picture of him and Geoff that he’s glad he brought on this trip._

 

_Neither of them see the number on Emma’s cryochamber dropping to_ 000 007 _._

 

* * *

 

 

_It’s the next year, and as soon as the door to Emma’s cryochamber opens, Regina and the Doctor are ready with handfuls of snowflake confetti, tossing it up in the air in an unbelievable but fun recreation of snowfall. “Merry Christmas!” they shout, beaming at Emma, who grins back at them, even happier than the last time._

 

_“What are we going to do this year?” she asks skipping through the cryovault behind them._

 

_“Hmmm…” the Doctor stops, making exaggerating thinking gestures, one hand on his waist, the other tapping his chin. Regina rolls her eyes at him, knowing they already have this planned out. “Oh, I know! Have you ever ridden in a carriage?”_

 

_“Oh my god, can we?”_

 

_They lead Emma through Regina’s house, and she points out anything she finds cool, which is_ everything _. “Your tree is so pretty!” She says to Regina, who blushes but grins proudly up at her, still as smitten as the last year, if not more._

 

_The Doctor and Regina had gone to ridiculous measures for this Christmas Eve plan. Picking up an unused carriage off the street and putting it in the TARDIS before relocating it to the rooftop balcony outside Regina’s window. The Doctor was going to take the already crazy plan to a whole new level, and it was what Regina was the most nervous about._

 

_That is until they got to her room._

 

_It’s not as though there’s anything particularly embarrassing in her room, but Emma’s about to be in it. She’s about to see Regina’s room, her desk, her bed - oh god, her_ bed _\- and the younger girl hopes that they can just run through, no harm done._

 

_But they walk in, Regina leading the way, and she nearly dies when she remembers how she was too excited about today to make her bed or put her dirty clothes away, and now she looks messy. She turns to see Emma’s reaction to it, but the blonde is still smiling, looking around._

 

_“I’m not usually this messy,” Regina feels compelled to say._

 

_Emma almost laughs, “You should have seen my room. Talk about messy… I like your room. There’s not a lot of color, but I mean…”_

 

_“You’ve met my mom,” Regina finishes with a snort. Emma nods slowly, not if it’s okay with Regina for her to say or think things like that. “It’s okay,” Regina tells her. “She’s hard to love.”_

 

_“Your father must be really sweet then, because you definitely didn’t get your personality from her.”_

 

_Regina bites back a smile at the compliment, trying to keep the conversation on track. It would be odd to smile while she explains, “Oh, he was. He died though, a few years ago. I was eight.” She hears Emma’s breath catch, and she’s quick to ease her worry. “But I’m okay. I miss him a lot, of course, but I’ve gotten closure.”_

 

_The Doctor smiles, a hand on Regina’s shoulder. “You act so grown up, I keep forgetting you’re a kid, Reggie.”_

 

_“I’m thirteen,” Regina defends. “And my name isn’t Reggie.”_

 

_He snorts. “You like the nickname, I know it.” She shakes her head at him. “What if Emma called you Reggie?”_

 

_At that Regina’s blush is so bad that she ducks her head. “I don’t know,” she mumbles, walking quickly towards the window and refusing to turn around until she gets there. She hears the Doctor snicker. He’s going to get it later, Regina promises._

 

_When they climb out on the balcony, Emma’s jaw drops at the carriage. “How are we going to ride it?”_

 

_The Doctor waggles his eyebrows, pulling out the half a screwdriver and pointing it up. It starts making its weird noises. “Here, little fishy…”_

 

_Regina wants to hide behind her hands, but instead she turns to look at Emma, eyes moving from amusement to terror. “Oh my god, what are you doing?” The Doctor turns and grins at her with a wink. “Are you summoning the shark?”_

 

_“Why? Scared? Of all of us, you should be the least scared.”_

 

_Emma laughs, “No, I’m not scared, it’s just… this is never going to work…”_

 

_As if in cue, the shark appears above them, and the Doctor smiles triumphantly._

 

_It’s not long before they’re flying through the air on the carriage, the shark is pulling it while the Doctor leads him around the sky._

 

_Regina is next to Emma in the carriage, and she sneaks glance at Emma, with windblown hair and her face pink from the wind, and Regina’s heart soars as high as their carriage. Like the last year, she’s as gorgeous as ever. Regina pulls out her camera, capturing the moment and Emma’s smile._

 

_The night is over before they know it, and they take Emma back to her ice box. “This was even better than last year!”_

 

_“I bet you’ll say that next year…” Regina laughs._

 

_They close the door and walk out, Regina excitedly planning the next year._

 

* * *

 

 

_“Merry Christmas!”_

 

_“Merry Christmas!” Emma says back. “I like your hats,” she says, eyeing the Santa hats her two annual visitors have on._

 

_“Good, cause we brought you one too!” Regina says, holding it out to Emma._

 

_The blonde bends down with a smile, “Here, help me put it on.”_

 

_Regina blushes, but does as she’s told, her fingers grazing Emma’s soft hair as she slides that hat on, a perfect fit. Emma straightens back up, striking a silly pose, probably intending to look ridiculous, but all Regina can do is look at her slack jawed. How can someone so goofy be so stunning? “How do I look?” she asks._

 

_“Beautiful,” Regina breathes, sounding just like the lovesick teenager she is._

 

Regina sits on the floor in front of her fireplace, really feeling at home for the first time in as long as she can remember, all the pictures from their Christmases (the ones she remembers so far anyway) splayed out in front of her. The one that she smiles at the longest is from that third Christmas when she was fourteen. They had gone to New York City because she’d wanted to show Emma the big tree the Doctor had told her about and take her ice skating.

 

_Emma stares at the tree in awe. “Holy shit!” she exclaims several times, each time it sinks in just how big the tree is and that she’s standing in front of it_ on another planet, in another time.

 

_“I knew you’d like it,” Regina says, smiling at Emma proudly. The blonde just nods, unable to do much else, still transfixed on the tree. “I have another surprise for you.” The Doctor clears his throat and Regina rolls her eyes at him. “Sorry, I mean_ we. _”_

 

_Emma smiles at them, “What is it?”_

 

_The blonde squeals when she finds out that it’s ice skating. “I’ve always wanted to try this! My parents got to once, but I’ve never had the chance,” she explains as they all put their skates on and head to the rink. When she gets there, she’s suddenly apprehensive. “What if I fall?”_

 

_Regina gives her a confident look. “You won’t. He might,” she says, gesturing to the Doctor who’s already slipping around on the ice, stubbornly refusing to hold on the the wall for support. Emma giggles at him, and Regina boldly takes Emma’s hand in hers. “I won’t let you.”_

 

Regina smiles down at the pictures, one of the Doctor mid fall; another of Regina teaching Emma how to skate, their hands latched together; one where Emma is clinging to the wall, fingers outstretched out for Regina, changing her mind about going it alone; Regina remembers every moment.

 

* * *

 

 

_The next Christmas, the Doctor wants to be silly, much to Regina’s chagrin, and he has a Santa suit for himself and an elf suit for Regina. “I’m_ not _wearing that.”_

 

_“C’mon, I bet Emma’ll think it’s cute!” Regina blushes and looks away. “It’s either this or Rudolph. Your choice.” The young teenager scowls and puts on the elf costume._

 

_Sure enough, Emma_ does _think it’s cute._

 

_Regina thinks she’s just getting off lucky though._

 

_This Christmas Eve, they go to see the Northern Lights, and Emma and Regina are both speechless. The Doctor babbles on, explaining the phenomena and using a lot of words neither of them really understand, but Regina tunes him out._

 

_She’d rather enjoy Emma’s company anyway._

 

* * *

 

 

_When the next Christmas Eve rolls around, Regina is one hundred percent gay and two hundred percent panic._

 

_She was almost seventeen, and so much had changed in one year. She’d grown. A lot. She was sure that this year, she and Emma would be the same height, but that made Regina even more nervous because it wouldn’t be as easy to go unnoticed if something embarrassing were to happen, which it undoubtedly would._

 

_Throughout Regina’s puberty, Cora had almost completely failed as a mother, telling Regina nothing, and leaving the teenager to figure everything out on her own. None of it was a problem. Cora had brushed over a few details when Regina approached her. The talk about menstruation a few years ago left Regina scarred until the day came, and everything made more sense._

 

_Her classmates had made some comments to each other that Regina had questions about, and she wished she had a friend to ask, but she only had the Doctor, who not only wasn’t there, but also likely didn’t have the answers. So she went to her mother, who talked about men and boyfriends and male genitalia, god forbid, and the images that came into Regina’s mind haunted her._

 

_She’d always known she’d found girls more attractive, more_ pretty _, but eventually she learned that her attraction to women was more than just “she’s nice,” “she’s pretty,” “I like her a lot,” it was physical. Really physical._

 

_So when the door to Emma’s cryochamber opens this year, Regina is terrified, unable to look Emma in the eye, afraid that somehow she would_ know _. She tried telling herself it was nothing to be ashamed about, but it was still awkward. She’d never felt anything for anyone like she feels for Emma._

 

_So this year, it’s just the Doctor who belts out “Merry Christmas!” while Regina mumbles next to him, hoping Emma doesn’t comment on her silence. When she finally looks at Emma, she thinks she sees her blushing, but she turns away too quickly, and Regina is sure that she just imagined it._

 

_This year they go to a couple of places, big cities with big celebrations. “I’ve found the top three places to celebrate Christmas! I couldn’t pick just one, so we’re going to all three,” the Doctor explains. “Hey, one for each of us! Kind of.”_

 

Regina looks at a picture of her and Emma, exactly the same height, standing side by side with one arm awkwardly around the other. She can’t help but laugh at how nervous she looks. It’s almost ridiculous until she realizes that Emma looks just as nervous as her.

 

_They say their goodbyes again,_ until next year _. The next time Regina sees Emma, they’ll only be months apart._

 

_Regina wonders if she’ll ever get to kiss her._

 

* * *

 

 

_Next Christmas, Regina is significantly less nervous._

 

_In the past year, she’s figured out who she is, what she likes, and how to show off. So when she wakes up the morning of Christmas Eve, she spends all day getting ready. Hair, makeup, fancy outfit, the whole nine yards. This time, she wants to blow Emma away._

 

_They’re nearly the same age, within a year of each other as Regina turns eighteen in a little over a month, and Emma already is. The Doctor shows up outside her window, same time as always, and she lets him in, ignoring the smirk on his face._

 

_“Wow, looks like someone wants to impress Emma…”_

 

_“Shut up,” she says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear with a knowing smile. It’s true and she’s not even embarrassed about it anymore. “Do you think it’ll work?”_

 

_“Are you really asking me for advice on girls?”_

 

_Regina shrugs, still smiling, “No, I just wanted you to know you were right.”_

 

_“There’s only one way to find out, I suppose. Are you ready to go get her?” Regina quirks a brow and struts out the door in answer._

 

_“Merry Christmas!” They cheer, same as always, only Regina’s is less of a cheer and more of a smooth greeting as her eyes smolder at the blonde. Emma’s eyes meet Regina’s immediately, and the brunette’s smile grows. She expects Emma to smile back, acting like normal._

 

_Of course, she hopes that Emma will be interested, but there’s no way to know. She’s basically seen Regina growing up, so maybe she thinks it’s too unconventional, or maybe she’s completely straight. Regina has no clue, but she’s confident enough in herself to flirt, just in case._

 

_Her heart skips when Emma ducks her head, her face tinted pink, as she’s rendered speechless by the way Regina looks at her._

 

_The Doctor shoots Regina a look. She ignores it, and instead reaches for the brush her hand against Emma’s arm. “Ready?”_

 

_“Yeah,” Emma squeaks, a soft smile on her face._

 

_Emma doesn’t say anything else until they’re in the TARDIS, where Regina lingers behind next to Emma, trying to think of a good conversation starter, but the blonde beats her to it._

 

_“So, um… you look… really good?”_

 

_Regina’s eyes widen with amusement as she glances at Emma. She’d always expected the blonde to be smoother than she ever could be herself. If she really thinks about it though, she isn’t completely surprised. In fact, she kind of likes it this way better._

 

_Emma catches her, just smiling at her, and she smiles back. “What?”_

 

_She debates being subtle, or teasing Emma a little, but before she can plan, she says, “You’re adorable.”_

 

_The other girl blinks in surprise. “You think I’m adorable?”_

 

_Regina smirks. “Among other things,” she says with a shrug before walking back over to the Doctor, leaving Emma staring after her._

 

_“So, where are we going this year?” Regina asks._

 

_The Doctor looks from her to Emma and back to her again. “I don’t know. Did you have something in mind? Either of you?”_

 

_Regina sighs. She wants to impress Emma, but it’s not like she has any revolutionary travel ideas. Christmas Eve is the ever time she ever really learns anything about what other planets have to offer, and she’s reliant on the Doctor for all of that. If he’s out of ideas…_

 

_“I have an idea,” Emma suddenly speaks up from beside Regina. “If that’s okay…”_

 

_“Of course,” Regina beams, brushing her hand lightly against Emma’s._

 

_“Where to?” the Doctor asks excitedly, running to the console to prepare for another epic Christmas adventure._

 

_Emma blushes, suddenly doubtful. Regina takes advantage of the moment to lace her fingers with Emma’s and give her hand a validating squeeze. Emma returns it. “We could see my family?”_

 

_Regina runs her thumb across Emma’s soft skin. “That sounds like a great idea.”_

 

_When they get to Mary Margaret and David’s house; however, they don’t go inside. Emma says that she doesn’t want to bother them before heading to the window, peering in wistfully. Regina and the Doctor stand behind, giving Emma her space, but Regina fidgets in place, wanting to_ do _something. Go to Emma, hold her, or make her smile. Something to make this the Christmas Eve she wants it to be._

 

_“Who lives there?” she asks the Doctor. “I know it’s her family, but… I mean…” She suddenly realizes how little she knows about Emma, and how much she wants to know everything._

 

_“That’s where her parents live. Her son.”_

 

_“Her son?” Regina’s surprised. She hadn’t realized. She looks closer at Emma, a sad smile on her face as she watches them through the window. A tear runs down her face and she wonders how old he is. How old he was when she had to leave him with her parents. Something about the thought makes Regina walk over to Emma. When she gets closer, she realizes that Emma’s crying, and her heart breaks for her._

 

_When Emma sees Regina, she lets out a sad laugh, wiping the tears from her face. “Sorry.”_

 

_“Don’t be sorry…”_

 

_Emma nods, trying to regain her composure, but the tears just start again. This time she doesn’t wip them. “It’s just… he’s so grown up. I’ve missed so much. Eight years…”_

 

_Regina takes her hand again, standing closer to Emma than before. She sees a little boy in the window, running around a table, giggling as a man presumably his grandfather, chases him pretending to be the tickle monster. “He looks happy.”_

 

_“He does,” Emma laughs, taking in the scene. “I knew they would take care of him. Volunteering for the ice, getting that loan for them, I thought it would give him his best chance.”_

 

_“Do you think it did?”_

 

_Emma sniffles through a smile. “Yes… but I miss him, and my parents. I don’t even know him,” she says, her voice breaking. “He was… I never even got to hold him.”_

_“Why don’t we visit?” Regina suggests, reassuring Emma with a gentle smile._

 

_The blonde shakes her head. “We can’t…”_

 

_“Why not?”_

 

_Regina waits for an answer, but it never comes. Only more silent tears streaming down her face, and Regina is at a loss. She’s about to wrap Emma in her arms, and let her cry on her shoulder when suddenly the Doctor’s face appears inside the window, making them jump._

 

_He gestures at them to come in before turning back around to chase Emma’s son around in place of David, who’s laughing off to the side._

 

_Regina turns to Emma, taking both her hands in hers. “You want to?” Emma looks up at her, fighting a smile. “You do, don’t you?”_

 

_“Maybe,” Emma says, ducking her head, and Regina can’t help but smile at her._

 

_“C’mon, I want to meet everyone. Your parents, and… what’s your son’s name?”_

 

_“Henry.”_

 

_“Henry,” Regina smiles. “I want to meet him.”_

_She holds Emma’s gaze for a moment, pleading with her eyes. She’s on the verge of pouting when the blonde finally says, “Okay,” beaming at Regina before leading her inside._

 

* * *

 

 

_Mary Margaret can’t stop smiling at her daughter as the two of them sit together, just talking. It’s been eight years, and so much has happened. Her mouth is moving a mile a minute it seems like, and Emma looks torn between crying at the overwhelming emotions and laughing at her mother’s ridiculousness._

 

_She’s loving hearing about Henry growing up, and she definitely cries, wishing she hadn’t missed it, but it was for the best, and at least she gets to see him now._

 

_The minute she’d walked in, he’d ginned so wide and run right to her, recognizing her from pictures. “You’re my mom! You’re here!” He squealed, holding tight to her waist, and she’d pulled him off just long enough to crouch down to his level and hold him in her arms, crying into his tiny sweater. “Ma, why are you crying?” He’d asked, and she’d only cried more._

 

_“I’m just so happy to see you,” she told him._

 

_“Grandma says I look a lot like you, but we have different hair,” he told her. “Also my favorite subject is science, and grandpa says you hated it. But I think we’re the same otherwise.”_

 

_“Oh yeah?” Emma laughed._

 

_“Yeah,” he said, flashing her a toothy grin._

 

_When Regina met Henry, he’d gotten shy, which was just the cutest thing, considering that Emma acted the same around her earlier. “You’re quite the little prince, aren’t you?” Regina had asked, booping his nose playfully. He squealed happily, hiding behind Emma before running around the room._

 

_Now he’s sitting with Regina, listening to her tell stories about the fish, and Emma can’t help but watch them interact as she tells her mother all about the past few Christmas Eves and their adventures._

 

_Everytime she says Regina’s name, she can’t help but grin, becoming so giddy that her hands tingle and she suddenly feels like she can’t sit still. Her mother notices. “I’m glad you’re happy, Emma,” she starts, “But that’s Cora’s daughter. You need to be careful. I know Cora. She’s going to raise Regina to follow in her footsteps.”_

 

_“C’mon mom, you don’t know her like I do. Regina’s different…” she says, breaking out into another wide smile as she gazes over at the brunette, who looks up in time to meet her gaze with her own smile before redirecting it back to Henry._

 

_It’s quiet for a long moment before Mary Margaret finally asks, “You love her don’t you?”_

 

_Emma snaps out of it, looking to her mom in surprise. “What?”_

 

_She laughs. “Emma, I know I’ve gotten older since you last saw me, but I’m not blind. I see the way you look at her. It’s the same way I look at your father. The same way he looks at me. You’ve never looked at anyone like that.” Emma blushes in response. “Does she know about--?”_

 

_Emma’s eyes widen. “No…”_

 

_Mary Margaret sighs, a conflicted expression crossing her face. “Emma, you need to be careful… Remember what--”_

 

_“I know what they said, Mom,” Emma snaps, cutting her off. “I just… let’s not think about that, okay?”_

 

_Mary Margaret looks at her for a long moment, not completely satisfied with the way Emma is handling this, but knowing that ultimately, none of it is up to her. She nods at her daughter, taking a figurative step back. “Okay, Emma. I trust you.”_

 

_They fall back into an easy silence, looking on as the Doctor helps David decorate, and Henry crawls into Regina’s lap with his favorite book. (“I like your stories, Gina, but can you please read me this one?”) Emma smiles, “I can’t believe how different everything is… everyone….” she adds, eyes still on Henry._

 

_“Pretty soon, you’ll be the same age,” Mary Margaret says. “That’ll be weird, won’t it?” Emma doesn’t answer. Instead she just smiles, watching Regina and Henry and hoping her eyes don’t look as sad as she thinks they are._

 

_Suddenly Snow’s hand is on Emma’s, her face thriving with excitement, and Emma braces herself, knowing what’s coming. “Stay with us tonight. We’ll celebrate tomorrow, and you can be here with us and go back back after. Regina and your other friend can stay too. Henry would love it. Your father and I would love it.”_

 

_Emma takes a deep breath before meeting her mother’s eyes. She doesn’t want to disappoint her, but… “Mom, I can’t. I want to, but I can’t.”_

 

_“Emma…”_

 

_“Mom, please.” She doesn’t know what else to say. She doesn’t want to talk about_ this _, ant it doesn’t matter either way because she just wants her mom to be happy and for this to be a good evening, but nothing is going right._

 

_She’s on the verge of tears as Mary Margaret frowns, her arms crossed over her chest. “David,” she says, her voice too stern, and Emma feels the tears spilling over as her dad starts over._

 

_“Mary Margaret? What’s the matter? Is something wrong?” He pauses before glancing at Emma, suddenly becoming more worried as he notices the tears, no matter how she tries to hide them. “Emma?”_

 

_The room is too still and too quiet, Regina’s stopped reading and Henry is looking at his family with wide eyes, anxious as he feels the vibes in the room. Mary Margaret swallows and looks at her husband. “I need you to start preparations for our Christmas celebration…”_

 

_“Oh, well, I’ve got some of it done, but--”_

 

_“No, David,” she interrupts. “I mean right now.” His forehead wrinkles in confusion, nervously waiting for an explanation and nervously glancing at Emma. The tense air shifts immediately when Mary Margaret breaks out into a wide smile. “We’re celebrating_ tonight _!” she announces as everyone relaxes and jumps up to help get ready, excited to celebrate._

 

_David and the Doctor go back to the preparations they were doing before, while Mary Margaret starts on food. “What can I do?” Regina asks her, eager to help, and the older woman’s appreciation shows, her eyes crinkling as she smiles._

 

_“Do you know how to cook?”_

 

_Regina shrugs, “I know a few things. When Mother’s not around, I sneak into the kitchens to learn. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll make it happen.”_

 

_They end up cutting vegetables side by side, and Emma pops up to sneak a few pieces over their shoulders. Regina laughs at her. “You are incorrigible,” she tells her, but the blonde just sticks her tongue out at Regina, spinning away to help Henry decorate the tree some more._

 

_Regina smiles over at her, picking up Henry to help him reach the higher points. He’s too big to be held up like that, but she can see the joy in Emma’s face through the struggle. She never got to hold him when he was small, so she sure is now, no matter how much effort it takes._

 

_“You two make a sweet pair,” Mary Margaret says, breaking Regina from her stupor. She smiles at Regina like she knows something. “I was worried at first, because of who your mother is, but Emma believes in you. And that means I do too.”_

 

_Regina beams back at her, at a loss for words. She’d never known family could be this accepting. Maybe she can help bring Emma back home for good. She’s going to be in charge one day after all. She’s sure she can find a way. “Thank you, Mary Margaret. I really appreciate your hospitality. It’s so wonderful here. My home is so... cold. But here it’s cozy. Like a home should be.”_

 

_“You’re welcome to visit us, anytime. I know Emma won’t be here for all the visits, but…” she drifts off, something flashing in her eyes before she shakes her head, the look disappearing with it. “We’d love to have you either way.”_

 

_“I’d like that.”_

 

_She helps with the the kitchen stuff a moment longer before Mary Margaret turns to see David habing up lights on his own, the other three occupied with the tree. “Why don’t you go help David too?” she suggests, and Regina smiles, eagerly going to help him. He accepts her help, joy written on his face._

 

_When it’s time for dinner, they work out where everyone should sit. No one really cares either way, except that Mary Margaret is_ insistent _that Regina and Emma sit together, but the moment they do, Henry’s stomping his foot, a pout forming as he sticks out his bottom lip as far as it’ll go, and Mary Margaret is at his side immediately, trying not to chuckle at how cute he’s being, as jealous as she’s ever seen him. “Henry, what’s the matter? Do you want to sit with your mama?”_

 

_“No. I want to sit with Regina,” he says, grumpily stomping his foot. Everyone laughs, except Regina who’s pleasantly surprised, and Henry who just gets more disgruntled. “I like Gina, and I want to sit with her. And Ma,” he adds at the last minute._

 

_So they set Henry at the end of the table, Emma and Regina on either side across from each other making eyes at each other through most of the dinner conversation. Emma gets more comfortable and less skittish, but Regina thinks it’s adorable either way._

 

_Henry holds their attention the most though, as he tells Emma all his favorite stories from his growing up, from school, from his grandparents, making sure she doesn’t miss a single story. She doesn’t want to._

 

_“So, Regina, what do you like to do?” David asks her from down the table, and they fall into an easy conversation. When Regina mentions finally learning to ride a horse, Henry stops mid sentence to squeal and ask her about the horses - what kind and how big and what color and what their names are, and Regina answers every question, her smile growing at Henry’s enthusiasm._

 

_Emma can’t help but notice how perfect a fit Regina is in her family. She’s gotten along so perfectly with everyone, and if she lets herself get caught up in the moment, she can almost imagine that this is the way it’ll be forever. She glances over at the Doctor, watching her with a smirk, and she knows that he’s noticing her noticing. She blushes and looks back to Regina, who looks at her, eyes brighter that she’s ever remembered._

 

_Her mother’s question from earlier comes back to her mind, and she wonders how she fell in love with Regina. When she thinks about it, it always felt inevitable, but she never knew until now. She wonders if Regina loves her too._

 

_But the night comes to a close, as every night does, and Emma wants to cry at the thought of leaving them behind again. Regina grasps her hand as if willing her strength to the blonde._

 

_Emma does everything she can to fight her sadness as she hugs her parents goodbye, multiple times. God knows, Mary Margaret’s crying enough tears for all of them._

 

_Henry’s hugged everyone a few times too, even his grandparents cause he doesn’t want them to feel left out. When he gets to Regina’s third hug, he pulls back, his face serious as he looks to Emma before his eyes settle on Regina’s. “Are you gonna be my other mom?”_

 

_Emma blushes so hard Regina can basically feel it across the room, and she smiles up at her before crouching down in front of Henry. “No, but I’ll come visit you more if you’d like me too.”_

_“Yes please,” Henry beams. “Maybe you can bring Ma sometime too,” he adds as he turns back to Emma with his bright eyes. Emma returns the smile, but her eyes are heavy hearted, somehow deeper than before. Regina wants to ask her about it, but she doesn’t want to push her._

 

_She’s cheered up more by the time they get back to the cryochamber, and she hugs the Doctor goodbye, telling him about how she’s looking forward to next year. He returns the sentiment and then hovers, looking between the two, waiting for Regina to say goodbye._

 

_She gives him a look, hoping he’ll get it, but when he doesn’t budge, she smiles at Emma. “Just a minute,” she says before she drags the Doctor away, leaving a cute and blushing Emma behind. “Wait for me outside, okay?” she whispers at him._

 

_His brows furrowed. “Why? What’s happening?”_

 

_“You know…”_

 

_“No…”_

 

_Regina huffs, bringing a hand over her eyes before dropping it, and stating it bluntly. “I want to kiss her, and I think she wants to kiss me… but not with you watching!”_

 

_His expression is almost comical as what she’s telling him sinks in. “OH. Oh! Eugh, kissing, okay, not my thing. Have fun, Reggie,” he concludes, trying for a wink, but she just shakes her head at him before going back to Emma, making sure he’s out of range before facing her with a humored grimace._

 

_“Sorry, he’s ridiculous.”_

 

_Emma laughs, “I like him. He’s funny.”_

 

_Regina nods, lost to where she should take the conversation next. She thinks of something to say but loses it in Emma’s green eyes, shining as they meet Regina’s, looking just as lost. “Was this christmas eve everything you wanted it to be?” she finally manages to ask._

 

_“Almost...” Emma smiles._

 

_“Almost?”_

 

_Emma’s eyes trail from Regina’s eyes to her lips, and Regina’s do the same in time to see Emma’s tongue slowly peeking out to wet her own lips. The younger girl’s breath catches as Emma leans forward, and presses her lips against Regina’s, gentle and slow, warm and soft, and it’s everything she’d ever imagined it being and more. She takes Emma’s hands in hers, pulling her closer as their mouths move together. A perfect first kiss._

 

_They pull apart, and Regina can’t stop the smile on her face that only spreads when Emma squeals a little bit and raises their joined hands as if to hide behind them. Regina moves closer so she can kiss Emma’s knuckles before stepping back._

 

_She brushes a strand of hair behind Emma’s ear as she steps into the ice box. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”_

 

_“Okay,” Emma grins as the door closes between then._

 

_Regina almost skips down the rows to the exit, happier than she’s been in a while._

 

In the pile of pictures Regina has in front of her are a little cluster of times where she visited Emma’s family. She took Henry horseback riding, she and Mary Margaret taught David how to cook, and she spent countless meals with them, sneaking away from her mother to enjoy the company of the people she was starting to consider her second family.

 

Her eyes are wet with tears, bittersweet emotions building in her chest as she looks through more pictures. She glances back up to the portrait on the wall, still of Emma, and something about it brings her to a state of unease. Her memories are changing, but she hasn’t noticed her circumstances changing with them… A few things occur to her, but she shakes them from her mind as she gets to the pictures from the next Christmas.

 

She smiles down at a picture she recalls is one of her favorites, even though she’s never seen it before now, one of her and Emma in each other’s arms on their next adventure.

 

* * *

 

 

_Usually, the Doctor is the one to open Emma’s ice box, but this year, the honor is all Regina’s. The traces of the blonde’s last smile are still on her face when Regina’s presence lights it up again._

 

_She reaches for Emma’s hand, pulling her close, looping an arm around her waist until their bodies are flush together. “Hi,” Emma says, nervous like the last time, only more subtle and somehow more sad. She smiles at Regina like always, but her eyes aren’t as present._

 

_“Are you okay?” Regina asks her, a thumb brushing against Emma’s jawline._

 

_Emma just gives her a small nod before wrapping a hand at the nape of Regina’s neck and crashing their lips together. And it’s not that she minds, because she_ so _doesn’t, but it feels like a deflection on Emma’s part, a way for to avoid talking about something._

 

_Regina dismisses it. Maybe it’s nothing._

 

_The Doctor speaks from behind them, “Aw look at you two. You know, of all the things, I never expected_ this, _but now that it’s happening, I couldn’t be more pleased about it. A love story for the ages, really, and I’ve got just the place to go.”_

 

_He takes them to Paris, dragging them through the city and telling them about how everyone calls it the city of love or the city of romance, and he doesn’t really_ get it, _but here they are anyway. They laugh at him trying to work through it, and Regina feels the lightness that their adventures always held, mixed with the sentiment of the last one, and she thinks this might just be their best travel yet._

_Regina takes a minute to pull him aside. “I want to do something special for Emma. What do you think I should do? I know nothing about this place.” The Doctor glances around, his mouth pulling into a smirk. “What?” She follow his gaze to a few couples picnicking in the grass or walking around just holding hands._

 

_“Sometimes the best things can be found in simplicity,” he says before taking an exaggerated step back. “I’ll be…” he gestures off to elsewhere with a grin, leaving the two of them alone._

 

_Regina’s eyes widen, suddenly feeling the pressure, but she makes it work, rounding up a blanket the Doctor snuck to her from his TARDIS, they spend time together, just talking and eating snacks. Eventually it dawns on Regina that Emma isn’t talking quite as much as her, or as much as usual. She’s growing more distant, smiling less with every second, and Regina can’t stand it._

 

_“Emma talk to me… what’s wrong?”_

 

_But Emma shakes her head like she doesn’t want to talk, torn between silence and addressing the elephant in the room, and Regina scoots closer to her, rubbing her back as Emma leans on her shoulder. Finally Emma says, “Regina, I… I have to tell you something.” Her voice is so quiet that it makes the brunette’s heart drop._

_“What is it? What’s wrong.” Emma shakes her head again, tears forming at her eyes. “It’s okay, I’m here. You can tell me anything.”_

 

_“Okay.”_

 

* * *

 

 

_Meanwhile, the Doctor is trying to get away from this vender who goes by the name of Gold, convinced that_ his _voodoo dolls are “_ better than that guy’s” _he says as he points at a random passerby._

 

_“Um, yeah, I’m not saying I don’t believe you, which I do, it’s just that I don’t really_ need _any voodoo dolls…” The man gapes at him, looking upset. “...Right now,” the Doctor says, amending his previous statement._

 

_He turns towards where he left Regina and Emma, finding them both to look rather upset. “Don’t worry, Mr. Gold. I’ll be back for a voodoo doll,” he says as he darts off with no intention of returning._

 

_But by the time he gets to them, they’re already kissing again, and he doesn’t even care this time because he’s left the crazy Mr. Gold behind._

 

_Regina initiates this kiss. A hand in Emma’s hair and another on her waist, she pulls her urgently to her, and the blonde responds the same, a small, desperate whimper leaving her lips as her hands roam Regina’s body._

 

_Neither of them hear the Doctor approaching them blabbering about his predicament. They’re too lost in each other, fighting for these moments together with all that they have. They feel each other, but not the wind brushing against them; they hear the soft noises they make for each other, but not the noises the Doctor makes for them as he runs away again to prevent interruption; they taste each other as they deepen the kiss, not knowing how much time they have._

 

_Sitting in a place they travelled through time to get to, they don’t know how much time they have._

 

Ridiculous _, Regina thinks, breaking the kiss._

 

_“But we can do something can’t we? We can… we could…”_

 

_Emma shakes her head and kisses Regina again, fierce with passion. She doesn’t want to stop until she has to. She brings a hand to the brunette’s cheek, tracing her fingers back, sobbing against Regina’s lips when she realizes that she’s crying too._

 

_Regina pulls back to look at her before wiping her tears and leaning their foreheads together. She tries to smile, if only to see Emma smiling back. She does, for a moment._

 

_The Doctor comes back, and they’ve hidden most of their tears. He won’t know, and he doesn’t. The smile on his face is comical and genuine. “You two will never_ believe _the mess I got into. I’ll spare you the details, but it’s okay… for now,” he says, sparing a glance over his shoulder. “We should probably go, though… before it isn’t. Besides, it’s almost Christmas Day.”_

 

_Emma and Regina hold hands all the way back to the cryochamber. Emma says her goodbyes to the Doctor before turning to Regina, pulling her face to hers for another kiss, long and elegant, passionate through it’s simple softness._

 

_When the blonde pulls back, she smiles wide at Regina, as if nothing were wrong. “Merry Christmas, Regina.”_

 

_She tries to respond, but the tears threaten to take over her voice, so Regina swallows hard, before she finally says, “Goodnight, Emma,” a few tears spilling over._

 

_Emma keeps her composure and her smile, until the door to the ice box closes, sealing her back in, the smile still on her face as Regina stares into the glass at her. “I love you,” she whispers._

 

_The Doctor comes back over, not noticing the way Regina’s sad eyes seem to harden as the finally tears them away from Emma, looking instead to the floor. “Well, we can’t go back there, so be thinking of where you want to go next year, or if there’s somewhere you wanted to take Emma because I_ think _that’s how the dating thing works. But_ I’m _not bringing a date and I’ll going with you so maybe that’s not what that is. Not that I’d mind, it happens with Belle and Ruby all the time. Oh! You know what? We could always see her family again, that was great. I love little Henry, and he really likes you, I can tell--”_

 

_“No, I don’t think so, “ Regina says, finally looking at the Doctor. “I don’t think we should do this anymore.” The Doctor’s forehead wrinkles as he visibly deflates. Regina forces herself to be unaffected. “I have work to do. My mother needs me. It’s time for me to grow up.”_

 

_The Doctor blinks at her, thrown by her sudden shift in demeanor after all these years. “I’ve missed something, haven’t I? Reggie, what’s happened?”_

 

_Regina scowls, “How many times do I have to tell you, it’s_ Regina _. And nothing’s happened. ‘Time’s change.’”_

 

_“‘Not as much as I’d hoped.’”_

 

_“Whatever,” Regina says as she starts to walk away. A tear slips out, and she brushes it away before the Doctor can see._

 

_“Regina, wait,” he stops her. She reluctantly turns to see him holding out his broken screwdriver. “If you need me.”_

 

_“I won’t.” But she snatches it anyway before heading for the door again, thinking the conversation was over._

_“What if you need her?” the Doctor asks, and Regina stops in her place._

 

_She’s about to fall apart, she knows it. She can’t turn or she will. She can’t speak or she will. She manages to growl out a spiteful “fuck you” before walking out the door._

 

* * *

 

 

The tears don’t stop as Regina’s new memory sinks in like a two ton weight in her heart, and it’s hard to breathe. It explains everything she feared about her circumstances going unchanged, and when she turns to see the portrait of her mother in it’s former place, she isn’t surprised.

 

She expects to be upset, missing Emma, but instead, she’s angry. Angry at the world for not giving them a way to be together, angry at the Doctor for messing with her life, only to have it end up exactly the same with a heavy heartbreak added to the mix, and angry at her mother for everything.

 

_Regina dresses up for the next Christmas, but not to impress a beautiful girl. She does it for the sake of_ celebration _. She stands next to the machine and her mother, her face rigid and cold. “Well, Regina, we’ve done it. My machine is complete, and only the two of us can control the sky, the fish.”_

 

_Cora holds up her champagne glass and Regina follows suit, toasting with her. She can’t help but ask, “What do the fish have to do with this?”_

 

_“Regina dear, if you’re going to follow in my place, you need to learn. We have control because we have power. Power over our people, yes, but we also have power over what they fear-- the fish. The people are ours. The fish are ours._ The sky is ours _.”_

 

_Regina keeps her face emotionless, but inside, her feelings stir, a mix of disgust with herself and the desire to make her mom proud, to be exactly who she wants, to be cold and unforgiving. She paints her face with a mask to hide her emotions._ But Emma never would have wanted her to be like this. _She feels the mask slip. “Don’t make that face, Regina. It makes you look weak.” So Regina hardens more, pushing Emma out of her mind._

 

_“I’m not weak.”_

 

_“Good. Because that just won’t do.” Cora regards Regina until she’s satisfied with her presentation before then she turns back to the machine. “We can have anything.”_

 

_Regina’s like a time bomb, really. A bundle of emotions that can be set off with the wrong choice of words, and that’s exactly what happens now._

 

We can have anything _._

 

_But she can’t._

 

_She downs the rest of her champagne before excusing herself to her room, catching the tears as they come until she has her privacy and they spill over completely._

 

_It isn’t the first time she’s thought it, but she thinks it again now. Maybe there’s something she can do… maybe there’s something_ he _can do…_

 

_She knows it doesn’t matter, that nothing will change, but she picks up the broken screwdriver, as if_ this time _it might. This time._ Time _._

 

_She scowls, turning around to find the Doctor smiling at her, leaning on the window with that ridiculous and optimistic bravado of his, and she’s angry at him all over again. She’s angry that he’s here again. That somehow he knows that,_ yes, _she does need him, and even more, she needs Emma. But he doesn’t know that while that may be true, there’s nothing that can be fixed._

 

_She marches over to the window, and out of habit, she almost opens it, but at the last minute, she catches herself, throwing the curtains closed with a hard glare._

 

_She tosses the screwdriver in her desk drawer before slamming it shut._

 

_Love is weakness after all._

 

* * *

 

  


In a swell of emotions, memories, Regina finds herself in her old bedroom, pulling the screwdriver from her desk. Part of her wondered if it would be there at all, but why wouldn’t it be? It’s where she left it. The events the Doctor brought into her life now have a permanent place in her memory, along with everything else they brought that got her to this point.

 

She turns to the window, almost expecting the Doctor to be there waiting for her. But of course he isn’t.

 

She hears the phone ringing, and she grumbles to herself when she remembers that all her staff had won a nonexistent lottery, another thing to _thank_ the Doctor for, and she storms through the hallways to answer it herself.

 

She gets to it on the tenth ring. “What?” she barks into the phone. “Oh, yeah, I know. You’ve already called me, and I already told you. I’m not letting that thing land here… Yes sir, I realize there’s over four thousand people aboard, but their lives aren’t my responsibility… _I’m_ not being fair? _‘Life_ isn’t fair,’” she growls as she hangs up the phone, looking down to realize she never put the pictures away, and she still has the screwdriver in her hand. “Life isn’t fair,” she mumbles again to herself, staring down at her and Emma together in the pictures.

 

“Wow, nice place you’ve got here,” a voice says from behind Regina, and she jumps, spinning around to find the source of the voice.

 

“How’d you get in here?” she demands before she realizes that the woman in front of her is a hologram. Her first question is answered, but she finds herself even more confused. “What the hell is going on?”

 

“What’s going on is that I’m currently on that ship you’re about to let crash. My name is Belle. I came down in hologram form to talk to you.”

 

“Talk to me? About _what_ ? I’ve already talked to your _president._ ”

 

Belle grimaces. “Yeah you’ve talked to him, but he isn’t on the ship, now is he? Besides, I’m not from _his_ time.”

 

“His time? What do you-- oh, I see. You’re one of _his_ friends,” Regina scoffs.

 

“He knows what he’s doing.”

 

“Yeah, well, he doesn’t know everything,” Regina mutters, her voice bitter.

 

Something about her tone gives Belle pause. She’s about to ask Regina about it, maybe mention Emma or Regina’s past, anything that could give her some insight. It might be helpful for her just to _talk_ after all, but before she can say anything, Ruby is lightly pushing Belle away and putting herself into the hologram instead. The taller girl groans, “Belle, as much as I love you, we don’t have the time to hear her recount her entire life story!”

 

For a moment, Belle lets her take over, but _she_ has it all planned out _already_ and she _knows_ what she’s doing. She moves Ruby back out of her way, and Regina watches half of each of them bickering in the small holographic space. “No! You’re just gonna ramble or make weird innuendos until you finally get to your point. We’re doing this my way.” Belle levels the taller woman with a look.

 

“Okay,” Ruby sighs. “I trust you,” she smiles and bends down to kiss her cheek before stepping away. Belle smiles after her with soft eyes, evidently in love, and Regina scowls at them, making a noise in the back of her throat.

 

Belle looks at her again, a growing concern on her face, “Is everything… okay?”

 

“Who are you anyway?” Regina demands, nearly cutting her off. “What do you want with me?”

 

Belle laughs, “Let’s just say ‘I’m the ghost of Christmas present,’ and I have something to show you” she disappears and Regina huffs, annoyed. She doesn’t have time for this. She’s about to give up, ignore any further comments on the ship in her cloud belt or so called _help_ from strangers when she suddenly hears singing.

 

“What is that?” she mutters to herself as she follows the sound until she’s outside the cryovault. She hesitates before putting in the code and entering.

 

The vault is full of more holograms, men and women and children, all singing a Christmas carol in a beautiful harmony. It leaves Regina speechless enough to forget her irritation, if just for a second. Belle appears next to her again, and Regina looks at her. “What is going on?” she asks, her voice still harsh but the softness breaks through a little. Regina pretends not to notice.

 

“This is everyone on the ship you’re about to let crash.”

 

“What’s with the singing?”

 

“Besides the fact that it’s Christmas? It’s comforting. Your cloud belt is making the ride a little rocky…” Regina scoffs lightly. “So, which one is Emma?” Belle asks, looking around at the cryochambers. Regina just stares at her, wide eyed and caught off guard. “‘The doctor told me,’” Belle explains.

 

Regina lets out a cold laugh, “Yeah, I’ll bet he did.”

 

“He did. He wouldn’t lie… you know that.”

 

With a scowl, Regina deadpans, “How would I know that. I just met him tonight.”

 

“You met him when you were twelve, Regina.”

 

“So it would appear...”

 

Belle sighs, hesitating before trying to get through to her again. “It all happened, Regina. I know it’s hard to keep up with, but it was all real. _Is_ all real.”

 

“I never tried to say it wasn’t,” Regina snaps.

 

“I know, I know…” Belle rushes to explain, hoping to ease the other woman. “It’s just you seem…” she tries, but she trails off.

 

Regina rolls her eyes. “No, I get it. You would be the same way if someone just changed your entire life right before your eyes.”

 

“Does it really bother you or are you just saying that?”

 

Regina looks at her, annoyed. “I don’t have to answer that,” she says, as she brushing past Belle and the holograms. She doesn’t know why she doesn’t just turn and leave the cryovault, slamming the door shut behind her. How hard could it be to run from some holograms? It’s not like they have much longer to live, anyway.

 

But she doesn’t leave.

 

She ends up outside of Emma’s cryochamber, looking at Emma’s face for the first time in years, that small smile still there waiting for her. For the next time.

 

And then Belle is back. Regina ignores her this time, too captivated by Emma’s peaceful form in the ice box. “It _doesn’t_ bother you, does it? Because without the doctor…”

 

“I wouldn’t know Emma,” Regina finishes, brushing her hand against the glass.

 

“Why haven’t you let her out? She doesn’t have to stay in there…does she?”

 

“You’re right. I could let her out anytime. No one is stopping me.”

 

“But _something_ is?”

 

Regina laughs, nearly a scoff in it’s lack of humor. “Yes, some _thing_ is. The same thing that allowed her to be in my life is preventing her from staying in it. Time.”

 

“Time?”

 

“Emma was sick,” Regina explains. “She volunteered for her family, yes, but she also had only days to live. And now, because she spent all her last days with the Doctor… with me… time is almost up.” Her hand brushes over the number on the cryochamber, now at _000 001_. “Tonight? Tomorrow? Twenty years ago? Twenty years in the future? What difference does it make? All of those days have the same result.” Belle stares at her, stunned silence. “‘How do I choose which day?’”

 

“I’m so sorry…” Belle says, letting the room fall silent, waiting for the moment she needs. “Maybe you can’t save her, but there are four thousand and three lives you _can_ save…” Regina turns to her, eyes wet with tears. Belle takes a step back. “Ruby, do it.”

 

Regina blinks and is suddenly on a ship, an unstable one at that as it rocks it’s way through the sky. She reaches out as if to grab something for support when she realizes that she’s the hologram this time. She glances up to see Ruby and Belle in front of her, looking more calm that she would if she were in their position.

 

If she listens closely, she can still hear the singing. She peeks at the door as the sound carries through. “It’s beautiful, but it isn’t powerful enough,” Ruby says.

 

Regina doesn’t understand. It must show on her face because then Belle says, “‘The harmonies resonate in the ice crystals, that's why the fish like it.’”

 

“ _But_ it isn’t enough,” Ruby repeats.

 

“Why don’t they stop then?” Regina asks.

 

“They don’t know they’re going to die. We’re still hoping they won’t have to. That _we_ won’t have to.”

 

Regina shrugs. “Everybody’s going to die sometime.”

 

“‘Not tonight.’”

 

“Why not? ‘Tonight’s as good as any other.’” Regina laughs humorlessly, slaying her arms out by her sides. “What difference does it make? Tonight… tomorrow… it’s going to happen regardless.” She thinks about Emma. “‘How do you choose?’”

 

Ruby pulls a radio to her mouth, “Doctor, are you getting this?” Regina gapes at her.

 

She hears his voice coming through. She wonders where he is, if he’s on the ship too, in his TARDIS, or if he’s down on the planet. “Thanks, Ruby. Belle. I’ve got it from here.”

 

Another blink and Regina is back in the cryovault, facing Emma’s box. The tears sting her eyes. “Reggie, I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” the Doctor says next to her.

 

Ignoring the nickname, Regina says, “How could you? I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want to talk about it-- _couldn’t_ . I was supposed to be cold, like my mother wanted me to be. _Love is weakness_ , she always said. She was right,” she snorts.

 

“No. it’s strength, Regina. Don’t you see? She wasn’t right. Emotions are powerful. Surely you can see that. After everything...”

 

“Yeah because my broken heart makes me so strong,” Regina quips, finally looking to meet the Doctor’s pitying look. “Why are you even here anyway? I already explained--”

 

“Give me a chance” he says. “I showed you the past, and you’ve seen the present. That leaves one more thing.”

 

“Yeah, the future…got it. Take me to my death bed, where I’m dying alone. That’ll sure make me sympathetic,” she says sarcastically. “I don’t care about that ship. I don’t care what happens to them. They didn’t _have_ to fly into _my_ cloud belt. And whatever the future has for me isn’t going to make me any different, but go ahead. Try me, _Doctor_ , show me the horrors of my future,” she finishes in a near yell, eyes flaming.

 

The Doctor glances over her shoulder. “I am showing you.”

 

“What?”

 

Regina spins around to see a younger version of herself looking back at her, eyes wide, terrified, and confused. “Mom?” she asks, squinting at Regina, not even recognizing her but trying to as she take a few hesitant steps closer.

 

“Is this who you want to be, Regina?”

 

The younger Regina squints again, another step closer before her eyes widen again, the recognition finally sinking in, and something about the look on her younger self’s face breaks Regina. It’s fear, and it’s disappointment, and it’s a total loss of hope, confirmation that despite everything, she had become everything she once hated. “I never wanted to be like her.”

 

“We don’t have to be,” young Regina whispers to her.

 

_But isn’t it too late to change?_ Regina wonders. Maybe it’s never too late. Maybe nothing lasts, but anything can go to waste. Even just one action. Even just one change of heart. Even just one day.

 

“No, we don’t,” she finally says, smiling for the first time in what she knows is _too_ _long_.

 

All of the sudden, Ruby cuts in, her voice full of urgency. “Doctor, we’re running out of time.”

 

The Doctor smiles before telling Ruby, “We have all the time we need.”

 

The three of them run upstairs to the fog machine, but Regina can’t get it to work. “I don’t understand…” She tries again, but it just keeps buzzing at her, unresponsive.

 

The Doctor groans, “Oh… how completely moronic of me. The controls are isomorphic!”

 

“Yes…”

 

“So they won’t respond to you. _This_ you, I mean. You’re too different. You aren’t the person your mother made these controls for.”

 

“Thank god... “ Regina mutters before returning to a state of nervous panic, worried she won’t be able to save those people after all, now that she really wants to. “But what do we do? We still need a plan...” She trails off as she watches the Doctor’s face fall into deep thought. Then Regina remembers, “I still have this! Could it help?” she asks, pulling out the screwdriver.

 

“Sweet that you kept it, but unfortunately that won’t help. It’s broken, remember? And the other half is up there, somewhere in a shark…” Regina deflates. “But!” the Doctor exclaims, leading them back down to the cryovault, talking along the way, “‘If we use your aerial to boost the signal, set up a resonation pattern between the two halves…’”

 

Regina shakes her head, giving him a look, “You lost me.”

 

“Right, so this half is signalling the other half, and we could use that connection, but send up a different signal.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Something that would resonate with the ice crystals. Something powerful enough to _really_ tame the sky,” the Doctor grimaces, waiting for Regina to catch on.

 

“Oh,” she says. _Emma._

 

“I’m so, so sorry. But it’s the only way. Her voice… we need to let her out. ‘We need her to sing.’”

 

Regina looks at him, surprised and upset, because _of course_ it’s Emma. It was always Emma. She shakes her head in disbelief, accepting the reality. “If you were in my place, could you do it? Could you choose a day to spend with the love of your life, knowing it would be the last?”

 

The Doctor gives her a sympathetic look, and the room is still for a long moment until there’s a brush against Regina’s fingers and Emma is right next to her, holding her hand. “I could. I _am_.” When Regina meets her green eyes, full of joy, she lets out a sob, running a hand through her hair, as soft as she remembered. Emma brings her hands to Regina’s face, beaming at her. “You’re so…”

 

“Old?” Regina laughs.

 

Emma shakes her head. “Beautiful.” For a moment all they can do is smile at each other, Emma fighting back tears while Regina just lets hers out. “You waited so long.”

 

“I couldn’t let you go,” Regina tells her, resting their foreheads together. “I love you.”

 

At that Emma’s tears finally fall. “I love you too.”

 

They stay like that for a few beats, wrapped in each other’s warmth. The Doctor approaches them quietly, careful not to startle them. “Let’s go save Christmas.”

 

* * *

 

 

Back on the ship, everything is in chaos. “Captain, we have less than two minutes!” the pilot yells. The captain’s face is a picture of distress, the odds of their survival looking less and less likely, but she can’t give up on her ship, her crew, her passengers.

 

“Sixty seconds!”

 

Ruby and Belle grip each other’s hands in anticipation. “Come on doctor,” Belle mutters.

 

Ruby is the first to hear it. The song drifting through the clouds, angelic and alluring, and she doesn’t need to ask to know who it belongs to. She smiles. “I knew he could do it. I knew it would work.”

 

“What?” Belle asks, not hearing the music, and as the ship continues to rock in it’s (now former) calamity, having not yet adjusted to the slowly changing atmosphere of the cloud belt, she and the other people on the bridge don’t know just how fine everything is going to be.

 

“You’ll hear it,” she tells her.

 

Belle hears it not long after the pilot calls out “ten seconds!”

 

Soon the skies have calmed enough that she ship stops being tossed around, returning to a stasis. The ship’s radio picks up the outside signal, and the co-pilot reaches to adjust the volume. “What is that?” he asks.

 

Belle is relieved, but she and Ruby are hit with a wave of sorrow as they realize just what this means. Belle swallows hard before answering. “A swan song…”

 

* * *

 

 

On the planet, the four of them are on the ground outside, Emma sings into the sonic screwdriver, while Regina and her younger counterpart watch in wonder. Her voice is beautiful, always has been, but the circumstances make Regina love it that much more. She holds Emma’s free hand in both of hers, standing as close as space will allow.

 

The young Regina looks up to the sky and then to the Doctor, “Is it working? What’s happening up there?”

 

The Doctor nods. “It’s working, yes. ‘The singing resonates in the crystals. It's feeding back and forth between the two halves of the screwdriver. Now, one song, filling the sky. The crystals will align and I'll feed in a controlled phase loop, and the clouds will unlock.’”

 

As Emma sings, her eyes bright eyes hold Regina’s teary gaze. It’s a bittersweet moment, having her here right now, years later. Emma smiles at her like this isn’t her last day, like it isn’t _their_ last day, telling Regina with her eyes that everything is okay. _They’re saving the ship, they’re both happy right now, and they’re together. That’s what matters._

 

On the ship, everything is peaceful, “Can you land?” Belle asks the pilot.

 

She sighs, nodding in the affirmative. “I can land. We’re gonna be fine.” Belle squeals, letting go of Ruby’s hand to throw herself into her arms. They share a relieved kiss before the ship touches down.

 

When the ship lands, they walk out to find the Doctor, arms looped together as they smile at the scene, Emma singing for the sky but to Regina as they hold hands, Regina’s free hand lacing through her hair.

 

The younger Regina stares at them, mostly at Emma, and the Doctor chuckles. “We gotta get you home, to _your_ time. It’s almost Christmas Day.”

 

Little Regina pouts, “But…”

 

“I told you, you’ll see me next year, Reggie,” the Doctor points out.

 

“It’s _Regina_ ,” she complains, sulking back into the TARDIS. The Doctor laughs after her, and she turns back with a grin.

 

The Doctor hovers by the TARDIS door, watching the pair enjoying each other’s presence, Emma’s song coming to an end. Ruby and Belle come up beside them, happy but somber. The Doctor glances over at them. “Swan song… it’s too perfect, isn’t it?”

 

The weight of the words sinks in, and Ruby knows the answer, but she asks anyway. “Will Regina be okay?”

 

“Reggie’s strong. I think she’ll make it, yeah,” The Doctor nods. “It is Christmas, after all.”

 

“But Emma… We can’t save her?”

 

The Doctor gives a soft smile, sad and peaceful. He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t need to. “C’mon. Let’s let them have their Christmas Day together.”

 

When the song ends, Emma reaches her arms around Regina, nestling into the crook of her neck. The brunette kisses the side of her head as they sway together in a silent slow dance. After a moment, Emma pulls back to look at Regina, who smiles down at her, tilting her chin up to bring their lips together.

 

Emma smiles against her, despite her bittersweet tears, before pulling back. “Thank you for giving me the best days of my life.”

 

Stroking Emma’s cheek, Regina leans back in, leaving a kiss to her forehead, her nose, each cheek before finally making it to her lips before pulling back with a teary smile. “Merry Christmas, Emma.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> any and all feedback is appreciated! happy holidays!


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